You “ass”ed for it!

Day 4,582, 08:40 • Published in USA USA • by Imber23



There is something to be said for the fact that this game is what you make of it. The more effort you put into playing and creating, the more fun you can have in the game. This point is important in another area of life. Asses, of course! The more work you do on making your ass great, the better it looks. Keep doing those squats in the training grounds, friends.

I’ve been looking through the new uniform photos in the EZC, and I’ve noticed one common characteristic: the asses are fantastic. And those tight uniforms are definitely helping us all out. Don’t tell anyone, but I installed my own camera in the dressing rooms (you know, for article research purposes… It’s legit.. I promise), and let me tell you, we have some NICE asses in our group. We have quite a collection and I can’t wait for you to experience them all.




King Harambe



Ok, So Harambe and I have developed quite the friendship. I’m fairly sure he might have the nicest ass, just bc he’s the nicest guy. I’ve never been friends with a gorilla before, but let me tell you, he is the gorilla of my dreams. He claims to be a quiet player in the game, but that ass screams out “Don’t forget me! I am worth looking at.” I’ve been told that his ass is smooth like shined ebony and pert in all the right places. If that doesn’t just about explain the perfect ass, I don’t know what does. I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to take another look. So, back that on up, Harambe and let me see what you’ve got. Gorillas know how to make it work.



Iamnameless

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A nameless ass? Hmmmmm. I’ve been spending some time thinking this over. I’ve come up with a few theories about Mr. Nameless. I think his lack of name is a ruse. I think it’s a cover for something spectacular. It must be his ass. An ass of this level of epicness must never be identified. Can’t let that secret get out or there will be a line (a socially distanced line, of course) knocking on the door to get a peek. Do you want to know if I got a peek while researching this article? Well, let me just tell you… His nameless ass did NOT disappoint. I won’t say anything else. You can go ahead and think what you want. Just don’t tell my boy Krapis. He will NOT be happy.



PimpDollaz

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With a name like PimpDollaz, there has to be an ass that brings the money. I’ve never personally seen a pimp’s ass before, but PD has the most beautifully rich ass I’ve ever seen. Wait! Didn’t I just say I’ve never seen a pimp’s ass?! Oh, nevermind. I won’t go into all my own secrets. I would pay lots of dollaz just for that ass to grace my presence every day. I’m just not sure I have enough money yet to keep that ass around. Maybe someone can donate to a poor newb like me. I’ve got to make some bank QUICK because this ass is a work of art, the likes of which the pimp world has never encountered.




TheNorm




When you command a military unit, you have to know what you want. TheNorm’s ass knows how to get what it wants. Quite frankly, I think TheNorm’s ass could command it’s own military unit. It is THAT good. From my personal experiences on the battlefield with him, TheNorm means business. He’s whipped my ass into shape on more than one occasion. I like a man who knows what he wants. Does he work out? You betcha. Does his ass look nice in uniform? You’d better believe it. That ass says “You will do what I say.” And you know what I say? “Sounds good to me Commander. I’ll check out that ass and salute it any day."




Drummertheman


Oh baby! What a nice furry ass I have to talk about here. You know that ass is always rockin’. Have you ever seen this animal not going nutso on his drums? Because I will tell you, that ass never runs out of energy. Ok. So I know from personal experience that anyone in a band is always hot. Drummers always know how to use their hands, and this animal is no exception. The ass is furry and fun and the fluff never gets in the way. He’s chained to his drum set, which makes me think that his ass is so good, the only way to keep the ladies away is to keep him chained. I mean, who doesn’t love a red furry ass? I know I do. Keep rockin’ dtm, we are not complaining.




So, you know I’m not done talking about asses. I’ll never be done with that. Just ask the original inspiration for all of this “ass”tonishing work, King Taco. I never stop talking about his ass and also my own. In fact, this is a real photo of us the other day.



But, I’ll leave you wanting more from your girl, Imber. If your ass isn’t in this article, it just means I’m taking some time to check it out a little closer. I’m going to spend some time reviewing more changing room footage. Gotta do my research. I definitely do NOT want to miss any important asses of our little eWorld. This research is too important to screw up. So, stay tuned for the next “Asses of the eWorld,” coming at ya soon.