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Pertamax!

Horice 🙂

mmmm.....should I take this seriously or not???

VOTED

Fantastic, you can have my boat, it is very small.

How dare the eUK political elite acuse you of being a joke candidate!
But in the spirit of free enterprise The Real Spamicans are putting their
own joke candidate dolly on sale, Yes! you too could own your own joke
candidate, this life sized dolly, based on the late Goku Jones, could be
yours for a one off payment of £293.99! Guaranteed amusing. As used
by the crowned heads of Europe. He has brought tears to the eyes of
Royalty. 'Denmark has never laughed so much'. Nice little novelty number
- 'a naughty Goku in your own home' - breaks the ice at parties. Put him
on the table. Press the button. He vomits. Absolutely guaranteed. Your
Goku figerine also come with . 'Black soap' - leave it in the bathroom,
they wash their hands, real fungus grows on the fingers. Can't get it off
for hours. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Frighten the elderly -
real snakes. Comedy hernia kit. Plastic flesh wounds - just keep your
friends in stitches. Guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Hours of fun
with 'honeymoon delight' - empty it into their beds - real skunk juice.
They won't forget their wedding night. Sticks to the skin, absolutely
waterproof, guaranteed to break the ice at parties. Amuse your friends
- CS gas canisters - smells, tastes and acts just like the real thing - can
blind, maim or kill. Or for drinks, why not buy a 'wicked willy' with a life-size
winkle - serves warm beer. Makes real cocktails. Hours of amusement.
Or get the new Pooh-Pooh machine. Embarrass your guests - completely
authentic sound. Or why not try a new 'Goku naughty nightie' - put it on and
it melts - just watch their faces. Guaranteed to break the ice at naughty parties.
Go on, go on, get you own joke candidate while stocks last. Although it is
Goku so there's fecking millions of the buggers!

Horice 😛

Our glorious leader Chaz who can do no wrong!

A work of at, a master piece. I came so many times while reading this, especially the part about NASA cleaning the pool. Chaz4CP! VOTE CHAZ DAMNIT, CHAZBEARD'S YO' MAN!
FOR A CLEAN eUK.
A CLEAN POOL.
CHLORINE INSPECTIONS.
SEXY LIFEGUARDS (imported from Canada, Lights Poxleitner has promised her presence)
FLUMES.
FREE ARM BANDS.
BOMBING ENCOURAGED. (That's a method of jumping in the pool, not using explosives you trigger happy bastards)
FREE ICECREAM!
Recent NASA reports show that the pool progress is well underway, however it needs the government funding to continue, SO FOR GOD SAKE VOTE CHAZBEARD!

Voted for Lights, if she was a lifeguard I'd never leave this pool that you speak of

Lights in swim suit? Mmm. PatHarper in speedos? Even more mmmm

Hm... I think you are giving the congress too much work. Wouldn't it be nicer if you simply told them how to vote so that they don't have to waste their time thinking?

Interesting manifesto, this reminds me of the great hat riots of Cannock way back in 2010. A rumour of a shortage of hats led many to be increasingly panicked as not one of cannock's 73 hat shops would either confirm or deny the rumour. A crowd gathered outside the towns most prominent hat shop - Slaphead / Caphead, and it began to become restless. Later that afternoon a few rebel rousers appeared making inflamitory speeches about a muslim man abusing a Fez in a back of a Ford Transit and things turned ugly. A police presence arrived which added fuel to the fire as the Police were armed with riot shields, batons and helmets...which anyone in the hat industry will tell you is the king of the headwear.
Upon gazing on the helmets the crowd felt restless and taunted. Windows were smashed and the hat shop looted, several beret's were thrown at Police lines...two which had been set alight and hurled. The force of the bombardment of the flat, round cloth head garment pushed the lines of police back and they had to regroup and retreat. The rioting lasted into the night, several shopping trolleys were pushed over, some set alight. Numerous shop windows only recently cleaned that day were left with hand prints, women screamed as one man lept into the town centre flower bed and brutalised its contents with his feet.
By morning most of the crowd had dispersed and entered the lines of cannocks Post office to collect their pension and order resumed. The clear up operation cost tens of millions, two police officers were hospitalised for slashes across their faces from an attack by a man armed with a sharp peaked baseball cap. Several hats had to be humanly destroyed and the town has never recovered.

Nice to see another man who can write a real comment!

Horice q:

Although I would very much like to take a proactive, rather than a reactive, stance, there are several obstacles that make it difficult to protect our peace, privacy, and safety. I will briefly adumbrate these obstacles and then refer to them occasionally throughout the body of this post. The full truth of my conclusion I shall develop in the course of this post but the conclusion's general outline is that Cpt. Chaz Beard wants to see a love of immoralism inculcated in children from a very early age. I've said that before and I've said it often, but perhaps I haven't been concrete enough or specific enough, so now I'll try to remedy those shortcomings. I'll try to be a lot more specific and concrete when I explain that we must learn to celebrate our diversity, not because it is the politically correct thing to do, but because if you were to tell him that his hectoring, puerile epithets serve as a stark reminder that he is the type of person who would shoot you just to see if his gun worked, he'd just pull his security blanket a little tighter around himself and refuse to come out and deal with the real world. Sciolism is a growing threat to society and should be outlawed. I'm not going to say why; we all know the reason.

My purpose is to expose Chaz's traducements for what they really are. Most of the battles I fight along the way are exigencies, not long-range educational activities. Nevertheless, Chaz says that it is randy to question his obloquies. This is noxious falsehood. The truth is that knowledge is the key that unlocks the shackles of bondage. That's why it's important for you to know that no one has a higher opinion of Chaz than I, and I think Chaz is a self-pitying sesquipedalianism enthusiast. In the end, there is something asinine about Cpt. Chaz Beard's shabby mendacity and sneaking duplicity. So in summarisation i absolutely loved this manifesto and the man himself in general this man is a gent and an all round stand up chap.

Bravo
Horice \o

Where do we apply for the bodyguard job?

got my vote any day

Masterpiece.


Although - you could be so much more than the candidate going for a cheap laugh. Just saying if you ever post and run a campaign with like 50/50 serious/silly (in like well defined areas) it would be glorious.

His ideas are serious...

This is so funny, that I'll laugh tomorrow morning.

This manifesto is better than most of the shite that people have come up with lately

The irony is that Chaz actually puts more effort into his mock campaigns than most do for a real one...

Mock?

The Muck Raker remains the eUKs most cutting edge, engaging and must-read publication in the country.

Voted.

Like a god...

i hate it when you change the name... i get all excited thinking there is a new Chaz article.... VD is unhappy....

I would have liked to write a bountiful post regarding many of the above aspects. However, with month end and in the middle of my monthly report, alas, I have no time at present.

To the Right Honourable CaptChazBeard I applaud your prolific demonstration of the literary arts and recommend that once you are elected to CP of this fine country that we change the constitution to have you as a lifelong peer and permanent CP of eUK.

Voted

Where do we apply for the bodyguard job? x2

*hides back-stabbing knife in sock*