Join the new world

Im tired but i cant sleep, so i decided to put some writing hours in, and write the first chapter of a book i want to eventually publish.
Anyways, lacking editing and being my first draft, here is what i have wrote so far.
' Generation darkness
A shroud falls

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(Chapter one, first draft, requires editing)

Dirt peppered the ground around Michael's feet, glowing like lit coals.
To an outside viewer, the source of the airborne dirt would be a mystery, but to the remnants of the 51st expeditionary force, the source of the dirt was all too obvious.
Concealed by the naturally hilly terrain of Hanol, roughly 870 meters away from the explosion crater that Squad 5 hid in, was one of Their plasma mortars, and dotted around behind the other hills were at least 18 other plasma mortars, all of which the guys up in Ops on the Tyrannical had failed to notice, and all of which had caused his lifelong friends to turn into less than atoms floating in the wind.
Of course, this was the combined thoughts of Private first class, unit designation #2141 of the 51st expeditionary force, otherwise know as Michael, or simply Mike when he was not being addressed as part of the army.
Of course, sometimes even his commanders called him Mike, such as when Lieutenant Frean shouted for him to get down, just before the gasses ignited, a line of superheated gas exited from a tube roughly 870 meters away, arched in the air and landed on Frean, vaporizing him immediately.
Michael just wanted to curl up and die, Frean had been his only friend he had known his entire life, through nursery, schooling and the Koein military academy on Sueon, and then to the shipping out to Ahur, Malachite, and finally Hanol, where his atoms were now raining down upon Michael and Nathan, the two remaining members of a squad of 20.
Tears in his eyes, Michael looked around and saw two more plasma strikes, both perfectly hitting a target, and both eliminating another group of the people he trusted his life to.
Tears replaced by a red haze, Michael grabbed Nathan and pulled him out of the hole just as a plasma strike curled towards them... and missed.
Whereas this seemed like a good idea, better safe than sorry, Michael had failed to remember the source of the loud CRACK, and the reason that his only remaining friend now only remained without a head, the snipers on the mortar platforms.
Red haze replaced by pure anger strong enough to deflect bullets, Michael dropped his combat bag on the ground, and let out a roar of pure anguish, before running at speed a cheetah would be jealous of towards the mortar platforms.
A bullet whizzed past his face, and another hit him in the side of the stomach, probably bursting his kidney, a third shooter jumped up from a nearby dip, aimed a shotgun at Michael, and was rewarded with a 10 inch knife to the neck, wedged too deep for Michael to pull out, and remaining with the unlucky shot gunner until his quick death by blood loss.
Now upon the mortar platform, and experiencing some blood loss of his own, Michael stumbled into the nearest sniper, purely by coincidence saving the life of the only remaining commander, and gave the sniper a taste of his own medicine, in the form of a bullet through the brain.
3 snipers remaining, and a mortar gun, easily handleable by a close range fighter, if the Blink trooper had not chose that moment to appear and point his own gun at Michael own face, struggling for dominance of an assault rifle whilst undergoing blood loss would be no easy task for anyone, but luckily for Michael, his rage gave him the strength needed to raise his foot and break this teleporting bastards knee, before uppercutting his previously smug face, and putting a bullet through his overconfident brain.
Finally remaining with only the snipers remaining before he could take out the mortars, and having lost about a pint of blood, Michael chose the simple solution of picking up sniper number ones rifle, and CRACK killing sniper two, CRACK sniper number three, and CRACK missing sniper number 4, who turned and took aim at Michael.
Caught in deaths eyes, Michael chose that particular moment to collapse from tiredness, and saved not only his muscles from pain, but his head from about 0.002 seconds of titanium pointed pain, traveling at 2000 miles per hour, and carried in a 12 round magazine, unfortunately for Michael, the bullet still took off a good chunk of his face, and made him lose his left ear, causing more than 0.002 seconds of pain, but allowing him to raise his own gun and take off the entirety of the snipers face, before noticing the excruciating pain, and almost screaming himself to unconsciousness, fortunately for the 247 men remaining alive, Michael was still possessed by rage towards the enemy, and in one last action before his inevitable death by blood loss, Michael input the necessary commands for the mortar to aim upon the 21 other mortars, and as the last drop of the necessary blood dripped from his body, Michael slammed down the green button, and his lifeless head hit the red button, managing to lock in his commands, and fire, with his final breath.
21 shots later, the 247 men remaining came to the last remaining mortar, the bringer of the end of all the other mortars, and found a corpse registering as #2141 Loche, Michael, soaked in blood, at the control panel of the plasma mortar.
Despite it being a pyrrhic victory, it was a victory caused by the actions of one, unaccomplished private first class, a sudden hero in the war against The Dark Crown's Empire, and a martyr for the members of the Coalition of free planets, otherwise known as the rebellion.
But many more heroes were to come, such as Covaran, a man of indian ancestry, or Loki, the cryogenically preserved hero of earth, who's transport was just entering the Amphibian system, and who's cryo chamber was just beginning to thaw... '