Why eSouth Africa Failed... Again

Day 981, 07:54 • Published in South Africa Israel • by Amun Nefer

I'm talking Champagne wishes, caviar dreams
You deserve nothing but all the finer things
Now this whole world has no clue what to do with us
I've got enough money in the bank for the two of us
Plus I gotta keep enough lettuce to support your shoe fetish
Lifestyles so rich and famous
Ines Schumacher will get jealous (not that she has money, lol)
Half a million for the stones
Taking trips from here to Rome
So if you ain't got no money take your broke ass home



Hello eSouth Africa, I, your prophet of the Sun Goddess, Amun Nefer am here to explain the recent events that have led to the downfall of this backwards nation of rebellious slaves.

You see that your government has been taken from your control, people are leaving in droves and your country is in a state of chaos and disunity. Why is this? You keep asking yourselves this. I have the answer for you.

You have been very bad lately eSA, betraying each other, calling people names, failing in general. These are all reasons eSA is considered the laughing stock of the world, but it is not why you fell. Your country was taken under the wise rule of the most esteemed and beautiful Sun Goddess, Judean Princess. It was her duty to watch over your primitive and savage land and keep you safe from harm. While she protected you, all was good.



Unfortunately, certain elements inside eSouth Africa’s elite Sweinhuas, namely Ines Shoemaker told you that the Goddess was false and you should rebel against her. You of course agreed. You were easily influenced, I know. I don’t blame you for being this way. You are but children of the goddess after all, not granted the intelligence necessary to make your own decisions properly.

Unfortunately, the Most Beautiful Goddess of the Sun and Perfection is not so forgiving. She saw how you had turned from the righteous path and said “these foolish slaves do not have the intelligence befitting servants of my realm.” The Most Perfect decided it was necessary to cleanse this land of its wretched inhabitants. She sent forth a call to bring all Hungarians, Indonesians and Brasilians forth. They saw what eSA had done and descended upon them to enact divine retribution. You grew apart as the act of disobedience clashed with your natural love of the Goddess and so your nation fell into disarray. Your congress was emptied of the people who had betrayed their Mistress and the country was restored to submission under Her. This is how eSA came to be how it is now.



Now good people of eSouth Africa, I ask you to see reason once more and accept Judean Princess, her most graceful divine self back into your lives and save your country. Please for the sake of your souls, cease this rebellion and reject the false words of Shoemaker! Respect the Goddess once more, give offerings of shrimp tempura, and bring eSA back under her enlightened rule, or eSA will be punished once more!