WHPR [Day 1,086] - Poland, Malaysia, Indoctrination, and HR

Day 1,086, 19:13 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room
America Smash

I was going for a sort of “Hulk smash” (or Reagan, whichever) with that. It’s hard to pull off without the benefit of voice fluctuation. Anywho, stuff is going down. Broland’s territory in Western Siberia is under attack via Resistance War. It may be seriously contested, so if you feel like going to one of the most historical locations in the monumental historical span that is eRepublik, this would be a good chance to get that trip out of the way. While you’re there, you may as well fight here. In fact, Poland is even letting you use their hospitals. I’ve heard that Eastern European health care has absolutely no flaws what so ever.

White Knighting

We’re the good guys. Oh, Serbians. You’re complaining and writing your “American cheeseburgers r so fat they eat chezburgers lolol American cannibalsmaxxxxx” or your “America is evil. Did you forget the time…”. Why yes, we did confidently forget that time, thanks for asking. In other ways for me to prove my point, I lead you towards Malaysia. We’ve removed Serbia completely from Asia and part of that included their Malaysian territories.

We’ve finally given Malaysia their sovereignty back. We wish them the best and look forward to a healthy working relationship in future operations that involve a certain country rhyming with “Indonesia”.

Indoctrinating our Youth

Every quality country does it. As such, we will be bribing our children with food and “mentors”. These mentors are dedicated towards helping all new players. We encourage all new players (or for old players to direct new players) to sign up here.

Justin McCravok has been working hard on getting this program ready. It includes a large number of congresspeople, who hopefully know this game well and are interested in helping new players. I personally love the responsibility that has begun to shift towards congress. It’s cool.

Indentured Servitude

That term has always helped my white guilt a little bit. Anyway, we’re looking for those interested in getting involved. If you’re interested in getting a job in the government but don’t like going through the hassle of getting people to like you enough to vote for you then I have a wonderful solution for you. All you have to do is fill out this form and you’ll soon be given a wonderful job and a nice plush spinny/rolly chair.

Don’t hate me,

Kentel
Greatest Secretary of Media of All Time