Who pushed me in? - Lets kill some giant squid together.
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by Browski
A wealthy billionaire held a great party and invited many guests. (I think his name was Black8Shadow) During the party he took all his guests outside to see his Olympic sized swimming pool. In the pool were crocodiles, piranhas, sharks and even a giant squid. The Billionaire motioned of silence and then declared that if anyone dared to swim across his swimming pool he would give them one of three things: either they could choose a billion zar, half his empire or his daughters hand in marriage. Silence fell over the crowed and then suddenly a massive splash on the far side of the pool. Someone was in the water (could it be Browski) fighting of the sharks, crocodiles, piranhas and squid. The crowed stared in amassment as the swimmer fought and finally made it all the way to the end of the pool. He got out and the crowed all cheered. He was battered and bleeding all over. The Billionaire rushed over to him and declared, “that was amazing! What do you want? Do you want a billion zar or half my empire?” “No,” replied the man. “Ah,” said the billionaire, “you know I only have one child, my precious daughter, and you know that if you marry her you will get all my money when I die anyway.”. “No,” replied the man. “Well, what do you want,” shouted the crowed. “I want the name of the man who pushed me in” replied the man.
Well this time around I’m not looking for the person who pushed me in. It will be an honor to run for president again. This time will be better because this time I know exactly what to expect. I go into the campaign and, if elected, the presidency ready to fight those sharks and piranha because I have met and defeated many of them before. So why should you vote for me:
1) I’ve got unfinished business to attend to. We are still not free and so long as I am around and our regions are held captive I’ve got work to do. Lets finish the job we started together and get our land back.
2) We (FA) are better prepared this month than ever before. FA is at least 3 months more advanced in terms of organization than any other party at the moment. This is not only a positive in terms of the political stability for our country (harder for the theocrats to take over) but it also means any FA president is suddenly presented with many options when choosing a cabinet. In my first term as president I was forced to pick some ministers because their simply wasn’t anyone else. This is no longer the case. I will still pick a cabinet (I’ll post proposed details later) that will come from the two main parties but this time I don’t need to pick people who will fight and stress over silly nonsense. This month, more than any other month, FA has produced quality leaders who are committed and competent to run the government. So no more infighting in the government.
3) My policy. I wont bore you with all the fine points of this (this article is already to long) .To be honest it’s much the same a jizzies. Health program, Free South African regions and no major changes to financial policy. I will also stress greater government accountability and transparency.
4) I’m also missing my body guards
So vote for me. I know what to expect and this time I have the experience and the resourced to kill those sharks, crocodiles, piranhas and giant squid. I did ok last time – this time I will do great.
Viva Free South Africa
Liberation to all South african regions
Browski
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Body Guards 🙂
I didnt have even one back then, but I had my perfect torture prison.
Öhm.... I mean my free Icecream to poor children program. ;P
Good Luck Browski
Raise the sails men we're going squid huting the Captian is on-board!
roooofl! I wonder who pushed you in...hmmm..mmm
Browski for President!!!
You have my uneducated vote! Mostly because you seem somewhat respectable and post -jokes- of all things. That Jizz fellow, while his name was worth a good chuckle at first, it gets tiring constantly seeing references to the contents of male anatomy.
But like I said, uneducated. I don't like his cover, whether or not the book might be good.
Thanks everyone
@ Paddy: So you'd buy an item that is of lower quality if it had a prettier package?
Paddy, you list the fact that Browski posts "jokes" as a reason why you like, but in the same post you say that you dislike Jizzie because he is exactly that: comical and light hearted. I don't understand.
Browski, (legitimate question here) if you have very much the same agenda as Jizzie, yet FA presidents have been promising to do all of this stuff for the past 4 terms now. Why should voters believe this time it will be any different?
Browski makes jokes? I've made one such reference to the contents of the male anatomy that I know of (sort of). I have nothing to do with others having fun with my name.
Looks like you put a lot of time and effort into this campaign article. Will your presidency be as half-assed?
"To be honest it’s much the same a jizzies"
Great platform! Should be your campaign slogan too! XD
Vote for Jizzie!
@ Howard - there's "Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Why did..." and then there's
"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side of the political landmark of freedom! Onward to the future, kinsmen!"
@ Gabriel - Yes. On a more serious note, I respect Browski more because you don't see him invading Jizzie's "Vote for me!" articles with sarcastic and rather childish remarks. It makes him appear disrespectful to his competition and reeks rather more of insecurity than confidence.
@Jizzie - You might be a cool guy, but I still don't see how you could be a responsible leader given previous actions. Much like every other politician in real life, probably a good person, they just aren't so good at their jobs (mostly). I believe Browski could be an exception.
Good lord Jizzbald are you suffering form pre election stress out syndrome already, hell Jizz maybe you should re-think this whole thing. You know it’s a stressful job and we cant have these outburst while your are negotiating with a sword in one hand with the Indo’s, they might just shoot you and send you home to us in a body bag. It will be our first state funeral. This is why people should vote for a calm leader one with experience. Its easy when you are dealing with your friends all jizzing in their pants for you however when you have to deal with the other people its very difficult, our Ex South African President Browski has had to deal with these BLF type out burst before, thus has experiance with their tantrums so VOTE BROWSKI for a sensible leader and you will not be required to jizz in your pants when you talk with him.
Mayhap several parties might take this to PMs? Otherwise perhaps -all- parties need to simmer down a wee bit.
This is a campaign, Paddy. In election campaigns, opponents comment and debate the issues. Since we have no debate function here and Browski doesn't come to the forum much, this is the only way to discuss the issues face to face. Actually Browski did comment on my article, where he (jokingly I'm sure) accused me of stealing his platform. I guess this would bother someone who doesn't want their news fettered with different perspectives though.
If all you've got to attack me for is my name, then that's pretty sad. What do you have to offer eSA other than lame jokes about your opponent's name? Pretty sad considering Black8 and I agreed that this campaign would not be full of personal insults.
I have nothing against Browski and have made no attacks on him or his character. I was just laughing at how Browski admits to copying my platform and then his typical group of lackeys all say how great it all looks.
Your pal ERD would not have made me VP if he didn't think I could handle it. You'd probably be surprised to know that I've been running things for about 1/3 of ERD's time in office, including now, and Browski has been reporting to me.
I like Browski though. He's a good guy and I wish him luck.
Paddy, I'm not sure I understand your point.
Whoever is posting as the Free Africa Org, is that comment an official campaign message from Free Africa? If so, that is quite unprofessional. Either way, on to your point:
You are making the claim that Jizzie is not experienced? Jizzie is just as experienced, if not more, in running the country as Browski. Thanks to yet another FA inactive presidency, Jizzie has been filling in for ERD for most of his term.
Anyways, the FA presidential campaign this time around can pretty much be summarized by this:
"We have absolutely no interesting candidate to run, nor any new ideas for eSouth Africa to run on. So, in order to maintain our grip on the presidency we're going to run an e😜resident on the SAME platform as the BLF and count on our massive voting block coupled with the name recognition of an e😜resident to win."
Debate is point, counter-point. This is a situation that would take place on a school basketball court involving two leaders and their posses. Your comment about whether his presidency would be, "Just as half-assed" would be a moment where your cronies would bend over, slap their knees, and exaggerate any humor that might have been drawn from that statement. Also, take note that I didn't insult your name nor was I (if you can decipher any major difference) 'attacking' it, I just found it rather juvenile. It's like a grown up version of laughing at the word "Poo", but hey, thats just how I view it.
Now, before another four paragraphs of flip-out nicely accented by a good luck message, I reiterate: Simmer down, everybody. Mock pity while chuckling behind closed fists serves no purpose other than to inflate egos that are clearly already bursting at the seams.
Adieu.
-Edit- Lets keep in mind we're all here to better SA's future.
-Double Edit- @Howar😛 I'm not claiming that he is less experienced (I assume you are talking to me, yes? "I don't understand your point... On to your point"), I just think his name and some of his articles shed a rather bad, unprofessional-ish light on him.
Paddy, my parts about Jizzie being accused of being less experienced were addressed to "Whoever is posting as the Free Africa Org," Only the first part about not understanding your previous comment was directed at you. Sorry if I was confusing.
You must have some strange sense of humor if you think the "half-assed" comment was meant as a joke. If my "cronies" laughed at that, then I would think they misunderstood what I was saying. I was merely asking if he would put as little effort into his presidency as he has in his platform. Don't see the humor there.
I don't care what you think of my name or what you think it means. It has nothing to do with the campaign and is just another FA tactic to divert people from the real issues.
I am trying to make this a lively campaign and welcome comments from Browski, but it seems that some people don't want to hear from a candidate they don't support because his name seems naughty.
Keep in mind that this is also a game where people have fun. Most people seem to enjoy my light-heartedness and sense of humor, while they appreciate my experience and inteligence. If that is "unprofessional" so be it. I play games for fun, not to be uptight and boring.
Been away for 1 & 1/2 day seems like i missed some fun - whoever wrote the comment via the FA Org - I like the pants one - like Jizzie said its a game and you gots to have fun.
Jizzy wrote
"Keep in mind that this is also a game where people have fun. Most people seem to enjoy my light-heartedness and sense of humor, while they appreciate my experience and inteligence. If that is "unprofessional" so be it. I play games for fun, not to be uptight and boring."
Full on, well said!
"What's good for the goose is good for the gander" I believe is the point here gentleman.
I like Browski and respect his ability, which is why I was upset to see him enter the race. He's the toughest candidate FA has and is a hard guy to go against. Not sure why he's helping me by agreeing with my platform and not really campaigning, but he probably figures he's got nothing to fear because of the huge FA voting base, and he's probably right.
In answer to the guy hiding behind the FA org., no one must jizz in their pants when they talk to me. In fact, I would prefer they don't. My name is short for Jizzibald, so I don't know where all this off-color language is coming from.
Browski: "To be honest it’s much the same a jizzies [sic]"
Jizzie already pointed it out, but I'm still amazed. Why are you running Browski? FA cannot relinquish its one-party rule even though it has become intellectually dead. You've been a decent MoFA so why not stick with that under a McGuire administration?
@Free Africa - "BLF type out burst"? This must be a reference to legitimate policy disagreements. For such an "advanced" party, I find it underwhelming that a) someone uses the party org. to post defamatory another party's candidate, and b) that the party president doesn't know who used the party org. to post the item. A very clear demonstration of the organizational prowess of FA, not too mention a good reflection of the immature approach FA leaders have adopted, once again, for the election.
Browski -- March '09: Same as Jizzie
Michael Hanson - Jizzie campain promices are much the same as i would probably make - Im not going to lie to you and tell you that i going to do things i never will - mayby i'm not a good politition. However FA and BLF do have very diffrent views on some things - it it were not so all the BLF guys would join FA. Check my next post.
@Browski: Looking forward to the next post.