Top 6 Epic Fails in the History of eRepublik!

Day 1,129, 13:54 • Published in Romania Finland • by Erwin Schauman


Top 6 Epic Fails in the History of eRepublik! (NOT!)

Now that I got your attention with that provocative, obviously fake title (that I still can't believe you fell for, sucker!), I wish to talk about something far less interesting but much more adorable.

Have you ever had the feeling that your life is empty? That it lacks direction? Maybe you've sat on the toilet bowl one day, eating the leftover chips from last night's student party (because you spent all the money on booze and couldn't afford real food), and while in your deep, hangovery meditation you maybe asked yourself: ”Is this it? Shouldn't my life have more than just parties with naked girls that lead to food poisoning induced explosive diarrhea the next morning?”

Well, for all you lost souls out there, I have good news! Medical science has taken great leaps forward in the last... *checks watch*... couple of minutes, and it is now my great honor to present you the cure to endless philosophy!

I am of course talking about...


MARMOSETS! D'AWWWW!

Yes, Marmosets! These lovable little buggers, these mother nature's freakish, furry accidents suffering from dwarfism and an overdose of cuteness! Their smiles unhook bras and drop panties! Their Bambi eyes turn even the most impenitent, murdering dictator in to a quivering mass of remorse!

Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: ”why the hell am I still reading this article!?”. Well, I can't answer that. Perhaps you just really don't have anything better to do, I don't know. But what I can tell you is how Marmosets can help change YOUR life!


Peek-a-boo! I seez you!

It's all very simple! All you need to do is elect me as the Congressman of Oltenia in Romania in the coming elections on the 25th!

I'll start a process of reforms that will lead to a much brighter future for Romania! After I am elected then... THEN MY PYGMY MARMOSET OVERLORDS WILL UNLEASH HORRORS YOU'VE ONLY SEEN IN YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES! THE SEAS WILL BOIL! HUGE CRACKS WILL APPEAR IN THE EARTH'S CRUST THAT SWALLOW ENTIRE CITIES! MILLIONS WILL BE KILLED ON THE FIRST DAYS AND THE REST ARE MADE WILLING SLAVES BY THE PYGMY MARMOSET MIND DOMINATORS!

EVERYTHING WILL BURN AND –

*Cough* Excuse me. Ignore that last part. Bad case of hiccups.

What? Why are you looking at me like that? There's nothing to see here!

Look over here!


Mery Christ-man hollydaiz, evrywun!!

Forget... forget...

Vote Erwin Schauman on the 25th. For change! And Marmosets!

Ps. No, this article is not amongst the top 6 epic fails in the history of eRepublik. Joke ruined.