Join the new world

Gather around, children. Today I shall tell you stories of the old, in which I am, as always, the handsome hero.

Our story begins long ago in Africa.. or South America. No, I'm sure it was Africa. Lions are only in Africa, right? Right. Moving on; I was travelling through the savannah on a particularly warm afternoon, so warm in fact that I had to strip naked and constantly make gorilla noises to survive, when I was suddenly approached by a mighty lion.

The lion came to me cautiously at first, then he ran full speed and jumped into my arms giving me a loving embrace. He then revealed to me that his name was Nicholiasqwertymitsubishihondakuumbayaamilordmerrychristmasexceptifyou'rejewishbecausethenyoucelebratehannukaorhoweverit'sspelledlololololololnooneisevergoingtoreadthefullnameofthisguybutifyoudidreadhisfullnamesendmeamessageandillgiveyou1gold. But most people simply called him "Nick".

Now Nick gave me an offer to bestow upon me infinite intelligence and power, to which I gladly accepted in a hurry, without reading the 45 page long terms and conditions, but it seems because I was so handsome and daringly smooth with the ladies that the spell back fired and I was instead given a free car. Delighted still though, I got in my car and turned on the air conditioner and drove back to my hotel in Los Angeles, California.


So concludes today's story, the moral of the story is: never call someone stupid for calling you stupid for calling you stupid for calling their car stupid when it is half ten quarter twenty five minutes to past one three two four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve o'clock.