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Now you may be asking, "Why is this the July Fourth Edition if it is practically Christmas?" which obviously makes you communist Ruskie spy. Everyday is July Fourth in America! Mostly to teach countries not to celebrate their own independence. Obviously, we deserve that more than them.

ATTENTION: I do not support drinking among minors. No lawsuits please. Go buy a duff today!
Who should be president? I don't know, but he better have a hot first lady.
It's the end of the month, and like usual presidential elections have flared. As noted before, there were several candidates stepped up. Just a few of them were Gladdos, CRoy, Deleruin, and Cromstar.

Many may already have noted the controversy of this election- Gladdos is a former British citizen running for president of the US, and it's not as if he quickly moved to America, many Americans have identified him as an enemy of the country. But is that the real threat to our nation?

Now, I am not calling the other candidates inadequate, but you've surely figured out, to your own horror, that no major party is supporting nor even putting a politically-skilled citizen on their ballots. You are all grieving, I know this, and you are regretting the 100 years of "he was an okay president" leadership sure to come. And no, this is no hoax. I am not a first choice for president. That's right. Your party presidents have all fooled you; this could be a worst scandal than Watergate. Right under your noses, they have taken the one savior of our nation off the candidates list.

It's okay, you can cry mantears for a short time. Then vote/sub my article.

What a gay haircut.

Now, recover yourself. This can be fixed, and you can help. But how? Simply included your best friend, Rivere123, as a write in candidate for your party's support. Don't let your PPs oppress you any longer. Take action. Also I pinky promise to invade France.

If you love America, you'll remember who will lead you into victory against the frieking moon if you vote for him.