The Polish Threat

Day 1,526, 13:42 • Published in Germany Germany • by Skalg von Tuari


My dear German (and Danish!) friends,



We have been facing a lot of troubles with our neighbours in Poland. Even though we never ever invaded or trolled them, they kept attacking us. With malignance did they conquer us eventually, although we valiantly fought. No honourable fighting would have led them to victory, so they used evil skills like Babybooms, massive economies and strategy. At one point, they even won against us simply because their alliance was stronger!

But now, my friends, this time is over. This threat is gone. Thanks to our glorious admins, changes were done that would help us to gain Polish regions easily and keep them even more easily. They favoured strong countries such as ours, so that we could claim our rightful place in the eworld.

But still, we were too honourable to simply go and take Poland against its populaces will. No nation should suffer from German occupation!

So eventually, we came to an idea that had never been there before. Why not have a union with another country? People that would fight for us by their own free will? People that would be happy to have their regions consumes by us? Some fools pointed northward for this plan; but we Germans knew that only an AGU could save us.

But, my friends, they did not expect such malignance, such evil power in those Polish. First, they forced us to attack Danish regions. We even had to take Valhalla! But now, my friends, how did they do it? For we can be sure that behind this devious plan must have been the Polish.



Well, the answer is obvious. They infiltrated our highest ranks of government! They are everywhere, in congress, in ministries, in parties, in militias, literally everywhere. We can trust no one. Every one could be one of them.

This is why our wise CP Otto stole the gold. He did what only one other great man had done before - like Gobba, he saved our gold from theft and keeps it safe. Like Gobba, he will pay it back. Eventually. Probably. Hopefully. Possibly.

But alas! The Polish spies could not let him get away with that. They impeached him. And they impeached the other CP, jagdinstinkt, the most german CP there is. Therefore, our only hope remains with staruszek, for if he gets impeached, an obvious polish spy with become CP. Yes, you have heard right - Polenklatsche is a spy. In German, his name means „polish lunatic“.

So now we have a Treaty with Poland. I am sure that it only exists because Poland knows that our enemies within will take us down even while they concentrate their fighting power on other fronts. Germany will become a vassal - please, my fellow citizen, help me prevent this.

Send me hints about who is a Polish spy. Send me IGMs with proof, and I will publish a list of all known spies in my next articel.



Until then,

Skalg von Tuari

P.S.: Martin Stettler asked me to say he is a troll. Or something like that.