The Global Moustache returns... to eTurkey! (New Global Update)

Day 1,114, 04:18 • Published in Turkey Portugal • by S.Ribeiro
15th Edition, 1114th day of the New World.
(no fundo incluirei uma pequena explicação em Português sobre a nossa viagem para a eTurquia)

Greetings eRepublik. It is with great pleasure that The Global Moustache returns to your arms’ warm embrace, after more than three months in which, for personal reasons, it has been impossible for me to find enough patience to sit in front of a PC and dedicate myself to anything. Having regained my sanity and free time, I came back a couple of weeks ago. It took some time for me to understand the new rules (which was pretty hard, since they keep changing EVERYWEEK!) Well, after spending some time in eHomeland I decided that I needed some change of scenery... This newspaper itself needed to travel. Out of three beautiful eDestinations that I had in mind, I found myself craving for something else. Something… exotic… Something… Turkish 😉


What can I say about you? I published a couple of articles here already (remember the times when you controlled eIsrael? 😁) and I am proud to say that I have made at least a couple of good friends. Actually, one of them asked me to come 😶. So yeah, hopefully my stay in eTurkey will be a happy one. I have no intentions of joining eTurkish parties (I leave that to you, guys!) but will do my best to help your country and to keep it informed of the latest international events during my stay in your homeland!

However, besides Öğrenciyim and Sarhoş oldum, there isn’t much I can say in your language 😁. So, articles will have to be written in English 😶. This, on the other hand, leads me to the next topic!

What is The Global Moustache?


TGB is an ePortuguese global newspaper that writes reports on the latest international situations. Before the new media rules we published articles in most of the Phoenix countries (hugs for eIndo 😁). Mind you, as I said, we are a “ePortuguese global newspaper”. That’s right, our editors eat codfish and use proud moustaches. Which is something we will never renounce in the future. Nevah =3

So, after this long introduction (sorry, but it was necessary), it is my honor to give to you our latest Global Update in which I briefly describe the latest events in the eWorld. But, since I understand that this article is far longer than expected (can't be helped), first and foremost, our TL😉R version:

-Australia and eCyprus under renewed occupation
-eCanada being invaded by eFrance and the eUK, while the eIrish cry
-ePortugal fights to complete their territory again
-Brazil leaves Phoenix and invades eSA
-Intense fighting in the Balkans... again.

And now, our latest update:

eAustralia and eCyprus bite the dust

During these few days, we have watched carefully as our eIndonesian brothers have finally decided to take the plunge and marry eAustralia. This naturally involves eIndo going om nom nom nom on eAussie territories, occupying their cities, dismantling their government and, above all, eating all their kangaroos.


Don't they look beautiful together? Let's hope this will be a long and happy marriage!

This wedding lasted for some days and, apparently had the consent of EDEN who made no effort to fight for their allies. Something similar happened too, between eTurkey and eCyprus. Well, I don’t know if this can be considered a marriage or an adoption (eCyprus was still a young babe) but, what’s important is that, eTurkey conquered an important Grain territory and now lives happily with new lil eCypriots playing in their backyard. Well, if you propose to eGreece one day and decide to marry her, I’m glad to say I will be attending the ceremony. With guns. And tanks. And artillery. And flaming kittens.

ePortugal seeks to recover its territory

Meanwhile, back in my homeland, an important resistance war seeks to push the eSpanish away from the Algarve, now an high grain territory, occupied by the muy maricones.So far, this RW is going quite well but will need help from every ePortuguese. So, I urge every single one of my countrymen, even those who live abroad, to move to the Algarve and fight for the resistance with your best weapons, like I and many others did... And for those who complain about tiny countries never being able to succeed in anything…


Guess what. The Portuguese aren’t that bad 😉

The ePortuguese also count with the help of our great eFrench allies who launched an attack on Catalonia, which will without a doubt distract the eSpanish army.

eBritish and eFrench push into Canada. Lil eIreland gets trampled

As eCanada stuggles to contend with both eBritain and eFrance, this war is no doubt already marked by one casualty: lil eIreland.

Yes, the United Kingdom (who saw almost the whole of its country being taken by eUSA and eCanada), has been liberated and eIreland has been reduced to one single region (after a period of shamelessly trolling the eUK). Again, EDEN was nowhere to be found and the two Phoenix nations made quick work of their enemies, pushing eCanada and the eUSA out of the British Isles. Now the fight has been taken to North America where Phoenix seeks to teach a lesson to eCanada (it has already been clearly said that Phoenix has no interest in conquering eCanadian territories). Apparently, this is all about teaching them who is the top dog and who isn’t.

eBrazil pushes into eSouth Africa, war in the Balkans

After declaring themselves neutral and leaving Phoenix (due to international disputes, again with eHungary), eBrazil launched an invasion of the eHungarian colony of eSA. After being threatened by eRomania’s own Bogdan_L, eHungary is putting all their efforts into a new war in the Balkans, leaving eSA’s on their own against eBrazilian invaders.


Notice the volatile situation in the Balkans. As eSerbia chews on Bosnian territory, they have at the same time attack eCroatian Slavonia (which I remember being occupied by eSerbia not too long ago. Meanwhile, eHungary invades eRomanian territory in Banat, struggling at the same time to keep their occupied territories in the Ukraine from being retaken by resistance wars

In the southern Hemisphere, eBrazil is rushing through the African country without much opposition, gaining new resources which will boost their productivity.
What remains to be seen are the international implications of such an invasion. eHungary holds a strong position in the Phoenix Alliance and so, eBrazil might find itself in a dire situation in the future. The Global Moustache will look into such events meticulously and report them in case there are further advances.

And so, this is the end of the latest Global Update. I apologize for its size but we haven’t written these for too long and so, there was much to talk about. Hopefully, our next report will be shorter and come in the near future.


Again, thank you for your hospitality, eTürkiye. If you have enjoyed the article, please vote and subscribe 🙂

(Apesar de me ter mudado para a eTurquia, acho importante dizer que esta mudança é apenas temporária. Continuarei atento aos acontecimentos em ePortugal, lutarei em batalhas do seu interesse como até agora tenho feito e, num futuro próximo, o Bigode Global voltará à sua casa. No entanto, caso alguém ache interessante incluir este artigo ou informação nele escrita num jornal ePortuguês (ou mesmo traduzida), obviamente que não direi “não”, desde que seja citada a fonte). Peço-vos ainda que aceitem a decisão de ter emigrado, uma vez que isto, como já disse, é apenas temporário.