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Guess what? That's right, I'm running for Congress once again. I'm camped out in the great State of Mississippi preparing to represent the fine people of that great state. In case you don't already know, I'm running as the USWP candidate. Now, the USWP has always held the interests of the working American to heart, as you can clearly see in our name, the United States Workers Party.

Thus, as your Congressman, I will work diligently to ensure that you, the hardworking American, are able to take home as much of your wage as possible and purchase the goods you desire at reasonable low rates. How is this possible, you might ask. Well, through tax manipulation by increasing certain taxes while decreasing others. Some of the best economic minds in the nation are working on the best formula possible to both maximize your income and tax revenue, so that our government can keep funding programs that benefit us all.

I can go on to extol my long record of public service and experience in politics, but instead, I will regale you with a tale from World War III.



The battle was going poorly for the allies. The young woman had been separated from her friends early on and became lost in the ensuing confusion. It was now dark, but the sky lit up by cannon bursts. She could see the determined faces of the enemy as they passed her hiding place, heading east - always heading east. They spoke a language she didn't understand, so she didn't know what was happening. She could only hope that the American troops would rally so she could escape.

By the light of morning, it became apparent that the battle had ended, and not in her favour. Russian soldiers were looting the burnt out building next to the one she hid in while an Indonesian officer dragged another young woman who had obviously been discovered behind a pile of rubble across the road. Life under enemy occupation would not be a life worth living at all. Suddenly, the young woman heard a noise behind her. She turned, frightened that the soldiers might have fund her, but instead saw a friendly face blackened by soot and an American uniform torn and bloody.

"I'm here to get you out safely," he said, reaching out to her. She grabbed his hand as he pulled her to her feet. Quietly, they crept through the building and out the rear door into an abandoned alley. He turned to her, "Take these moving tickets. If the Russians try to stop you, just show them the tickets and they will have to let you pass. Get to American territory and there will be others to help you." She accepted the tickets and began following the road, in much better spirits than before. When she turned back, the soldier had disappeared.

Yes, I was that soldier. Fought against the Russians in California as an officer of the Home Guard, then spent hours donating moving tickets to civilians who had gotten trapped behind enemy lines.

Well, there wasn't a point to the story, just an alliteration of some of the troubles we've been through in our nation's long history. If we can survive a war that almost annihilates the nation, we can survive anything. Mississippi, I ask for your vote on 25th January. Thank you.

-Chris Stanwick