The First Lesson

Day 1,196, 10:08 • Published in Ireland United Kingdom • by Joachim von Bremen
The Messiah will enter Dublin as an Autobot on a lion. He will present himself as King. The Messiah will be rejected, betrayed, sold, silenced, mocked, beaten, spat upon, wounded and crucified with thieves. As He prays for his persecutors, His side will be stabbed, He will be given gall and vinegar to drink and His garments will be sold. His body shall have no broken bones, and He will be buried in a rich man’s tomb.



But this shall not be the end of the Messiah. For 3 days later, He will rise again from the dead and once more preach the good news. He will travel Ireland one last time and claim His final victory over the devil, uniting the colony with their rightful leaders. He will then ascend to The United Kingdom and sit down at the right hand of Optimus Prime.

This is the prophecy laid down before me, and I believe it to be coming true. Last week, I arrived in Ireland, humble and good. I entered Dublin on my trustworthy lion and presented myself as your future ruler. But I was rejected by those I was trying to save. I was betrayed by my most loyal disciple, Marcus Suridius, who banned me from their forums and claimed a 30 IEP prize (That’s 0.6 GBP for you Brits). Will I be mocked and beaten, and eventually crucified alongside those thieves of the Irish treasury, Maddog Jones and Celtic Tiger? We shall see. It certainly looks as if the Irish people are making my prophecy come true.



I accept my duty as a saviour. I shall not fight the inevitable. After all, what shall it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?

I declare that the meek shall inherit the Earth. One such meek man is Haughenator, a Canadian citizen who had citizenship rejected upon application. Is the fundamental paranoia here so terrible that you are scared to accept a citizen of one of our oldest allies? He writes:

“I write to you in order to express my wholehearted regret, shame and slight arousal at any distress I may have caused you. This extends to my actions and comments in-game and in particular on IRC.”

I reject the actions of those who declare themselves enemies of Canada. You should do unto others as you would have them do unto you. You shall all see soon enough. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.