The First Boomer Oration

Day 451, 15:04 • Published in Canada Canada • by Dade Pendwyn

Hearken! For the time has come for a new master of the medium to proliferate his diarrhetic verbosity upon the unsuspecting masses! Today a new voice has been birthed from eCanada's ample bosom: The Boomer Bugle. This paper shall henceforth be a voice of viridity, of piercing insight, and ultimately of childish frivolity. Who better to chronicle the charms of the geriatric wrestling that we call eCanadian politics than somebody who knows virtually nothing about its convoluted and corruptible past?

A new age is dawning as the eRepublikan population engorges and other nations (see Hungary) experience their own Baby-Bum; is it not time Canadians took pains to handle it aptly? Again, who better to manifest eCanadian shortcomings of this nature than one who basks in the seemingly infinite obliviousness of said boomers?

Enter the Boomer Bugle, a fresh voice for a new time. Be among the first to subscribe to a paper that will someday be read by literally fives, or even tens, of people! The Boomer Bugle regards not simply the handling (or mishandling) of our now fleeting boom, but rather gives a young voice to a young population ruled by the denture snapping politics of our decrepit congressmen.

And so shall I begin the whoring of my person to gain the precious subscriptions I require to fill my inflated ego. The first person to subscribe will be written a poem by yours truly. The next 20 will be given a shout-out of sorts (with perhaps a special heartfelt message; U R a QT, omg Im all 4 u!, or something of this nature) in subsequent articles. You can be sure that future articles are hastily forthcoming: I have a vicious deformity of the coccyx (some like to call it a tail) which prevents me from developing a permanent circle of...how do you say it....friends. For this reason I find ample time to dedicate to derisive pursuits such as bashing our leaders.

Remember, those of us who are days and weeks old may still be suckling at the proverbial breast of the eRepublik Wiki, but this does not mean we can't still make a bunch of noise and pretend we're important! Vive la boom!