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Ten Things You Wish You Could Say At Work

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a hoot.
How about "never?" Is "never" good for you?
It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Ahhh, I see the mess-up fairy has visited us again.
You are validating my inherent mistrust of co-workers.
I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
Are you coming on to me or having a seizure?
The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

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How to tell when you've had too much of the 90's:

You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Wanna go for a drink?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes."
Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone with your company's name.
When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.
Your resume is on a diskette in your pocket.
You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.
Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.
Temps in your department outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service awards.
Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets combined.
It's dark when you drive to and from work.
Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.
The intern gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.
Being sick is defined as 'you can't walk' or 'you're in the hospital.'
You're already late on the assignment you just got.
There's no money in the budget for the five permanent staff members your department is short, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss's boss on strategy.
Your boss's favorite lines are: When you've got a few minutes... Could you fit this in?... in your spare time... when you're freed up... I know you're busy but... I have an opportunity for you.
Every week another brown collection envelope comes around because someone you didn't even know had started is leaving.
You wonder who's going to be left to put into your 'leaving' collection.
Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers."
The only reason you recognize your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.
You only have make-up for fluorescent lighting.
You've run out of family member's birthdays to use for all of the ATM and banking PINs, e-mail passwords, computer codes, and voicemail IDs you need to remember.
You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.