Speaker of Free People: newsflash on recent events in the world!

Day 1,757, 09:17 • Published in USA USA • by Ariakis


1. USA struggling against pTO
pTOers once again hit the eUnited States by forcefully accepting the renewal of MPP with Spain: http://www.erepublik.com/en/main/law/USA/115550

Proving that when they have control of over 50% of Congress seat they can keep meddling deeply in US internal affairs. Not only the Spanish MPP will be renewed but the pTO forced us into alliances with countries such as Ireland, Albania, Russia.

Many wondered why did they supported law proposed by US president Israel Stevens: http://www.erepublik.com/en/main/law/USA/115504 or even why did he propose such a law siding us with long known threat like Australia.

Turns out that the rouge pTO group is in control of PotUS! Investigation proved that Israel is being held hostage and forced into cooperation by being constantly boozed. Therefore anything coming from his mouth should be treated as delirium.

In addition to the pushing US into totally outrageous FA direction pTOers keep stealing hundreds of thousands American dollars (http://www.erepublik.com/en/main/law/USA/115574). We've failed to track down the origins of this suspicious office going by the name of CBO.

For over a month since the pTO group managed to block donate law to this ultimately legit American organization



they keep on controlling our national funds by constantly transferring them to mentioned before suspicious organization going by the name of CBO.

2. Serbia on the rescue!

But Americans should rest assured that the help is coming. Not so long ago we found out a group of Serbian players who held US dear and are willing to aid our beloved country to get rid of pTOers.



As you can see they are brimming with love towards us. There was a lot of data written in some strange language, but apparently they are facing some technical difficulties and it got deleted. Our native Papuan international translator told us that they probably meant America, we come in peace.

Yet we, the Free People, reserve ourselves the right to keep guns loaded in case it does really mean America we cum at you and piss. in which case we are willing to shoot them back to Montenegro.

Serbia also tries to rebalkanize Thailand, which was unserbianized and cromanized by Croatians. As we do believe that our goal of creating Thaidonesians is more important that Serbian attempts to balkanize Asia we are wiling to eventually shoot them back to Montenegro at all costs.

We would also like to remind US Government and any citizens that may find themselves lost that Iran, being currently invaded by Serbia, is not Balkans.
Balkans are somewhere west from Iran and shitload of miles away - therefore you are free to fight for Iran not being afraid that you'll end up dragged in Balkan wars.

Yet for Serbia is in fact Balkan country any attempts to fight for them put American citizens at risk of being balkanized.

In case anyone would wonder where is west: if you face Canada then it's on your left.

3. Meanwhile in Poland

The daily contest of bringing up the walls in RWs to 80% ended up with only 3 medals for Poland. They've withdrew from participating in Shannon RW and managed to lose to Portugal.

Unfortunately for our medicine supplies, Poland also managed to keep Western Netherlands - which means that they keep monopoly for a certain drug. And while our supplies are not yet to be extinct we must keep in mind that shortage of proper medicines means that we may suffer from unnecessary loses on battlefields.

Healthcare Department advert: The Healthcare Department warns not to overdose pot. Smoking too much may result in turning you into a Lole.

While staying in Poland we cannot forget to discuss the war on French front. After heavy fight Poland managed to win a battle for Paris, yet the resistance left the Polish High Command in total shock and according to anonymous sources inside Government, Poland is planning to call their allies for additional airstrikes and opening a 4th front.

Apparently after heavy causalities in Paris at least two airstrikes were proposed as a matter of dealing with World's superpower France in case France manage to gain more that 20 points in campaign.

5. Identity problem solved!

People write letters. They do even in a Country That Name Should Not Be Spoken. One of them decided to share a happy news with us:



We are happy that the identity problem of certain group has been solved and they are no more Serbian-origin Greek wannabes, with insomnia caused by fear of waking up being Bulgarian.

Yet we are sad to see that they've faced another problem concerning anger management and taking things too seriously. We suspect that it may be caused by the fear of losing recently found identity and therefore they react with anger, rage and speaking with strange symbols whenever random people from random countries in random internet game call them by their name.

For one should remember 3 things:
- when you fyromize Macedonian you earn beer in afterlife,
- when you macedonize FYROMian God makes chick flatchested and kills a kitten,


And you don't want her to be flatchested!

- when you don't give a single damn you get additional, free-of-charge clone of Sasha Grey serving you beer.

And as for my identity I identify myself as the slightly orange with citron one



6. Fan center and achievements

Some of us, who managed to be famous, amazing, (or in my particular case just godlike), recognized among society or simply being d**k enough to be hated by many (suppose works for me aswell making me double awesome), know that with fame stalke... fans come along.

We (as I mean I) decided that our (my) fans deserve an achievement. Therefore not to bore you We (I) declare that the prize goes to:

with 100% rate of recent articles commented, 93% of shouts followed, 78% of shouts commented (must be the reason why i don't shout about going to toilet) the winner of being Overly Attached:

Sztandarowy.

And since his name translated into civilized language means Flagship I thought of drawing him something which would suit his overly attachment.

Yet I suck at drawing that's why he must be satisfied with this picture of overly attached to the depth flagship.


For that anyone would dream of his own personal Sztand0r.

Additional prize money will be available as soon as this article gets commented by the winner, which usually happens in least than 10 minutes since publishing.

_______________________

Yours sincerely
Ariakis - The Orange Pony of Apocalypse