Join the new world

And now on BBC1 (Boring Banter Channel), its time to rejoin Sir Digby...

*Stirring music*

Meet Digby.
SIR Digby.

From across the eUK, the brightest buds of British business have trekked their way to London, the capital, to compete for the World's greatest job- being Sir Digby's next apprentice. But there's only one job, and the candidates must be whittled down, by the man himself...

"You're fired"
"You're fired"
"You're a complete Bremer- you're fired"

WEEK TWO

Sir Digby: Welcome all to the second week of this process. After last week, I'm expecting some considerable improvement. Lets be honest, last week was a disaster. So, I've given you a really easy task this week- you've got to give a presentation to members of Forward Britain, explaining why they should vote for the PCP. Simple, really. Off you go.

(In the car)

Bulley: This should be simple- those Forward Britain plonkers would vote for anyone if you gave them enough candyfloss.

Meghan: That's true, but Sir Digby would be expecting more of a marketing strategy than just candyfloss. What if we tried nougat?

Bob: Mmmm... I like nougat...

Iain: And why does it have to be the PCP? I don't want FB members to vote PCP. I don't want anyone to vote PCP. Its not fair.

Parrington: Oh grow up.

Iain: You're being unkind. I'm going to tell Sir Digby on you.

Meghan: Do shut up, both of you. We've arrived.

(The presentation)

Indieki😛 Hi everybody. We're part of a new socio-dynamic forward thinking group that tries to convince people to join certain political parties. We're going to be advocating the PCP. (Disgruntled murmer from audience)

Malta: Our arguement is short, and particularly SWEET- we will give large amounts of Old English Dairy Stick Toffee Yorkshire Dales Natural Cornish Adjectival Ice Cream with NO ADDED SUGAR. (Upon hearing this last statement, the FB crowd, who had just started to take an interest, start murmuring discontentedly again. Fortunately, Bulley saves the day.)

Bulley: He meant LOTS of added sugar, didn't you, Malta? (Winks frantically)

Malta: Oh... Yes, of course (FB crowd relax)

Indieki😛 Well, this seems to be going very well doesn't it? I'm glad you apppear receptive to joining the socialist cause...

FB Crow😛 SOCIALISM??!! AAAAAH!!! BEGONE BEELZEBUB- GO!

(As the esteemed audience start throwing petrol bombs, the candidates speedily disperse.)

(THE BOARDROOM)

Sir Digby: It was all going so well, wasn't it. I thought that this would be a task that you morons could complete successfully. But it seems there was one particular moron who went and put his foot in it. That makes this week's decision very easy to make. Indiekid, you didn't win a Boblo for most disastrous phrase spoken, but you should've done. You are the weakest link, Goodbye. Oh, sorry, wrong show. Indiekid- you're fired.

(Indiekid hangs his head)

Sir Digby: The rest of you, get back to the pentshack. I'll see you next week.


ONE JOB, NOW ONLY SIX CANDIDATES REMAIN- THE FIGHT TO BECOME SIR DIGBY’S NEXT APPRENTICE CONTINUES.

Episode 3 coming soon!

This series was approved by Chairman Sir Digby himself, light of the world, rock of ages.