Scandal in the Government! First Lady not what she appears!!
Day 1,151, 06:46
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Published in Romania 
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by
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by Erwin Schauman
Scandal in the Government! First Lady not what she appears!!
Aurora's ever vigilant news team has for the past weeks investigated a tip dropped to us by a Romanian government official that wishes to remain anonymous. The tip urged us to check up on the President's First Lady, peach. The anonymous tipper said we will uncover a secret so shocking that it will literally make our testicles implode!
Intrigued by the tip (and how it would feel like to have our testicles implode), we immediately started to dig up information from the First Lady's past. But birth records, family, past jobs, education, previous living places, bank records... all lead to a dead end. It's like she didn't exist at all...
Days of research yielded no results. Our investigations attracted the attention of the secret police and we started receiving threats to cease looking in to things that 'could be hazardous to our health'.
Discouraged, we were all but ready to drop the case until we were contacted by a photographer using the alias 'Sunsetter'. She provided us with a brown envelope containing a picture that revealed the shocking truth behind the First Lady. We couldn't believe our eyes... or how our testiculoids immediately turned in to miniature black holes!
We will now publish the picture for all the world to see. We know this puts our news team in mortal danger, but the truth must be told...
The President and the First Lady together in a banquet
Yes! The First Lady is actually an undercover Marmoset!!
We were able to reach President Butnaru by phone for a surprise interview regarding the issue while he was contemplating state matters in the Presidential toilet.
This is the unedited recording of the interview:
Aurora: President Butnaru, when was the first time you started to suspect your wife to be a Marmoset?
Butnaru: Well, I... that is...
Aurora: I see. You don't think the empty banana peels laying around the apartment were a dead giveaway?
Butnaru: Banana peels..? I don't...
Aurora: We have testimonies of you calling your wife, and I quote: ”monkey mic”. Little monkey. How do you respond to these accusations?
Butnaru: Look, I am not buying any nature magazines so...
Aurora: Buying? That's an interesting choice of words, Mr. President. We have records of the government donating 2000 gold to something called 'The Ministry of Marmoset Affairs' to be used for ”buying bananas for the Marmoset immigrants”. What do you have to say about this?
Butnaru: Wait... is that you, Erwin? You were the one that told me to pass that donation law!!
Aurora: I think that's highly irrelevant, Mr. President. Don't try to change the subject. Or are you hiding something..?
Butnaru: Wait until I get my hands on you, you little...
*click*
We mysteriously lost the connection after the last comment. Most likely the secret police jammed our phone lines to intimidate us!
The Aurora Borealis news team has since received unverified rumors that the First Lady is with child. This would be the first known case of inter-species breeding between a man and a marmoset.
Our visual artists used state of the art programs and computer models to come up with a rendering of what the offspring might look like:
Possible outcome of human-marmoset crossbreeding
There we have it. Another mystery solved by the stalwart journalists of Aurora Borealis!
Aurora Borealis - Because the plain truth is boring!
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Comments
LOOOOL .
hahahaaaaa.
A-WE-SO-ME!
😁 funny
bauwoow!
hahahaha
your best, must say.
The only ministry that does the right good job😁
Hexina, so true : ))
: ))))
:::😁)
😮
awsome : ))
:vojo:
"The Aurora Borealis news team has since received unverified rumors that the First Lady is with child. This would be the first known case of inter-species breeding between a man and a marmoset."
hmm i heard that too. but as far as my sources say, there is only one human lovable enough to be accepted as an "impregnator" by a marmoset. that human wanders the cold irc channels by the name of Zacu.
@ghishae: I agree. Mostly because Fremenul stole that IRC nick from me 😃
Impeach! 🙂
Shut up Petsku, this is interesting.
This is wrong. Cute, but wrong! I'd like to see Sunsetter's point of view. 😐 Now it all makes sense: today, she told me that she loves me. She seduced me and then, abandoned me. 🙁
Nevetheless, I deny all accusations. My banana stash is hidden under the bed, nobody could possibly know that.
ahahahhahahahahhahahah...strange crossbreed!
😁
looooooool
"Discouraged, we were all but ready to drop the case until we were contacted by a photographer using the alias 'Sunsetter'." - this is to show that, once again, Sunsetter (at her own risk) saves the day for some unlucky MoM.
@peach: I do love you, sweetheart. My confessing this had nothing to do with the image. Zacu drugged me and forced me into following you, taking the picture, putting it in a white envelope than changing it to brown because it was see-thru. And just so you know, I first abandoned you, and then seduced you, practically.
*hug*