Save The Date

Day 1,970, 18:15 • Published in USA USA • by Jakov Mikhailovich

Mr. Fingerguns has arrived!


Born in the eUS and living a short and unsatisfying life of two clicking, I eventually suffered terminal ennui and died, penniless and unimportant, posthumously given the rank of captain. But I rose again and moved to communist eUSSR. After two days of two clicking, I suffered an ennui relapse and died again in a pile of snow and regurgitated vodka. Once again, the grave could not hold me and I moved to the eUK where I two clicked for a single day and died, this time of late onset SIDS.


Know the signs! It could be you!


Why do I give this ennui-inducing back story? To tell you that I have found my raison d’être. When Pfeiffer began scamming my squirrel, news of this assault on the bonds of holy matrimony reached my half-decayed ears in an unmarked, shallow, Welsh grave. Once I became a three-times revenant, I hopped on the first boat out of Cardiff and headed to Ellis Island amidst the huddled masses of PTOers. Like my Irish ancestors before me, the first thing I wanted to do upon stepping off the boat was get drunk and fight.


I am here seeking strong, independent, American wife.

Without further ado:

I, Jakov Mikhailovich, hereby announce the courtship with the intent of e-marriage of my fist and Pfeiffer’s face. I believe they can become eRepublik’s power couple: my fist’s puissant punching power, your face’s ability to take nearly constant abuse from your fellows. Though only the poor fist of an immigrant farmer, my fist offers the dowry of four gol😛


Expressly delivered to your face.

I truly hope you accept this arrangement and my fist and your face share many delightful romps together in marital bliss.


Night of the honeymoon and sweet consummation.

-Jakov Mikhailovich on behalf of Jakov Mikhailovich’s fist


Post Scriptum: I actually think you guys are way too mean to Pfeiffer. He’s an arrogant egomaniac, an unyielding tyrant, an antagonizing villain, and has an army of robot multi-clones. He’s this game’s Dr. Doom. If only we can get him to talk in the 3rd person…