Random stuff ENG/SRB

Day 2,247, 03:04 • Published in Serbia Serbia • by Dio Ville

*.* Don't report me or I could kill myself because of the shame. Yea. *.*



SERBIAN VERSION BELOW. ON A LINK. BECAUSE I CAN, HAHA! ENGLISH ONE IS MAKING MORE SENSE. ČRAST MI.

I’ve been thinking something lately, about people, whole countries and the world, and beyond. And, ummm...let us talk about elephant in the room. Cuz there it is. I bought one. And it’s on a diet. That little fcker isn’t eating my peanuts, hell no!

Yes, the thinking…if someone would ask me what’s the deal between Serbia and Croatia, I think i would say this: Serbs and Croats, as a nations, people, you know, are the closest thing to a brothers, but also the closest thing to a…worst, even mortal enemies. And how’s that possible, you ask. Well, it’s a…quite simple, actually. We hate each other so much, to a certain level where we could kill each other, but if someone of us would cease to exist, the life of the other one wouldn’t make any sense. Yep, that’s it. Simple, like I said.
Now, while we are still talking about these countries, I must say something that bothers me for a looong, long time. Really long time…counted in years. I think, and I’m sometimes quite good at it, that the first gay man ever was born in Croatia.
Don’t be piS²ed at me now, you overly manly Croats, wait for me to elaborate. Do you hear yourselves? I’m talking to men only now. Really, do you know how gay you sound, and even look? Even 15-years-old boys look like a girl, with all those trimmed eyebrows and tight shirts and weird accented voice and god knows what else. What’s the matter with you?!
Here, in Serbia 15-years-old youth look like half-breed monkeys, but that’s what they actually are! Because they are men! And men should be like that!
And men look like living mess until they get married! And then they look even worse…cuz they realize what they have done to themselves! But your men look like they are trained gays! What is wrong with you?!
Not that I hate gay people. It’s ridiculous to hate someone because of their sexual orientation. Then I would be obligated to hate some of my friends, for being zoophiles, you know? Because, and I swear, some of the girls and boys they dated, look more like animals then people. It’s disgusting, I know. I been there, trust me!
I mean, dude, have a little respect for yourself! You don’t need to save yourself for marriage, it’s impossible.
It really is, you know!? With all these sex leaning movies, music, commercials and even sports, for god sakes, who can stay virgin for so long?! I mean, since the day one, people around you, the TV, your grandparents and even fcking nature make you shove your thing up to another person’s hole. Disgusting, I know! But what a hell, lets do that! What is the worse thing that could happen? Oh, I don’t know…some STDs like syphilis, gonorrhea?! A child, maybe?!
And the children. Oh, those little drunk midgets. I have one in my house, you know. Yeah. It’s a nightmare…and a daymare, it’s actually everytimemare. When he looks me with those shiny eyes, like he wants to say: I’m going to throw this bottle on the floor now. Yeees, yeees, I will. And not because I want to…oh, no, no, my dear foolish uncle. It’s because you told me NOT to do that. Oh, yes. I will, I will…Aaaand then he actually throws it down. How can you not love them?!

My apologies to the people feeling insulted by this text. I am not currently in control of my brain. It's 03:00, give me a break! Sorry. Worse things could happen, not controlling my bladder, for example.

I have to stop watching Dylan Moran. Seriously.

"I can please only one woman per day.
Today is not your day.
Tomorrow, isn't looking good either."

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