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My fellow eAmericans,

So here’s the situation, my dear readers…


(I swear to Dio, the next intern that tries to be funny is gonna end up sleepin’ with the fishes. Try me, intern; I dare you.)

It’s that time of the month again (not that one, so you can all chillax). I’m going to run for congress again but not from Paradise. I just wasn’t feeling it anymore for the Aloha State so I do what anyone who gets sick of the island life does… I loaded my stuff into the car and I went down to the Shore.



I was chilling in my bikini on the sweet North Jersey sand with the guidos and the guidettes when a thought dawned on me (how thought is possible in the midst of an overpowering aroma of hair gel, tanning lotion, and ‘roids is beyond me). There was only one way to come back from such a shocking loss in Hawaii but how? If there were a way, it surely wasn’t on the Shore!

I found myself packing up again and heading further inland. I eventually got the munchies somewhere around Leonardo so I parked myself outside the Quick Stop to make a phone call to HQ before I moseyed on in to get a slushie and a bag of Funyuns. Little did I know that the skinny dude and his chunky sidekick were listening to the argument I was having with an intern over the campaign and directed me to a fellow named Tony. I rewarded the two with a position in my campaign as my Press Secretaries. The directors wish to be known as Jay and Silent Bob.



The directions led me to some cheap looking Italian joint where I met my new Campaign Manager and my security detail, Mr. Tony Soprano and family. The two of us discussed some of the integral details of my campaign and revised some details as Mr. Soprano saw fit before he sent me on my way to wrap up a few loose ends with the campaign.



I found myself back on the lovely New Jersey highway system once again and headed south to the Shore again. I didn’t really want to be back on the beach since I’d already had more than enough time in the sun (and one can only spend so much time around the guidos & guidettes). However, I had to if I desired a strong campaign. I was rewarded, if one can call it that, with another member that I could add to my staff. It is my pleasure to introduce to you my Media Secretary and personal stylist to those involved with my campaign, Ms. Nicole Polizzi.



I’m counting on your vote in the Congressional Elections. This is not possible without all the good people of New Jersey! We can chalk this up as another reason why we’re better than those New Yorkers. I mean, we’ve got the mob, the Jets, the Giants, AND the Shore- what more do you need in a state?



I’ll see you at the polling places. And don’t worry about Mr. Soprano; he’s just making sure you vote. You don’t want to make Tony angry...do you?



Till next time, my constituents...
~ PrincessVictoria