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Letter From The Editor: What do people think about facial hair? I had a beard, and now I’ve shaved it down to a goatee. Should I keep that or just go clean shaven again? I’d especially like to hear from the womenfolk.

Oli Cromwell Orders Pizza


It seems that earlier today Oli Cromwell was hungry. This, of course, is a natural feeling that many of us get from time to time. Personally, I just finished a sandwich, so I’m not hungry, but Oli Cromwell was. He’s probably not anymore because he ordered a pizza. This particular pizza is considered by many a threat to national security. Why you ask? Because this pizza has anchovies on it. As we all know, nobody actually likes anchovies on pizza. If someone tells you they like them then they’re lying, and you should treat them like a lying communist, or possibly fascist, spy. Fact: No red blooded American has ever, or will ever, like anchovies on pizza.



In the face of this abomination ‘The Silhouette’ decided to talk to some actual, anchovy hating Americans about what they thought on the matter. Here’s what one man had to say, “Anchovies?! Oh hell no, fish don’t go on pizza. This is America God damn it, we put things with no nutritional value on our pizza, not some stinky miniature fish! Take that crap off the pizza and throw some bacon on there, and some pepperoni, and some sausage. Great, now I’m hungry and I don’t get to go on my lunch break for another hour! Thanks a lot Oli Cromwell!”

Poland Declares Cerber Its Natural Enemy By Pushing The Wrong Button


Lately it would seem that Poland has been getting a little confused about what button they’re supposed to be pushing. First they tried to declare the US their natural enemy. It would appear, at least according to what Polish President Cerber has said, that this was a mistake. Next Poland declared Mexico its natural enemy and started attacking the nation in what appears to be a plan to get to South America. Perhaps after hearing that many Americans weren’t very happy with this action Poland has tried again. This time they made the attempt to declare their President, Cerber, their natural enemy by impeaching him. Although the measure received 24 ‘Yes’ votes to a mere 13 ‘No’ votes, it still fell short of the 66% needed to pass. Undaunted by this setback Poland is moving forward. Through our sources inside the Polish government we have learned that later this week Poland will declare Poland its natural enemy. Invasion plans are already in the works, and Poland has promised to level every Polish city as they capture regions held by their bitter enemy. For their part, Poland has declared that they will defend Poland from the Poles with every ounce of strength that they have. It no doubt will be a brutal war, with many losses for Poland sure to be suffered.

Blockers Get Confused, Start Blocking Early


With Congressional elections coming up the top 5 political parties of the US are getting their campaigns ready. People are declaring what states they want to run it, publishing platforms, and sending out personal messages to the voters. The parties themselves have started organizing blockers for states that they don’t have a candidate to run in. These blockers are seen by most people as very helpful, since they are the first line of defense against PTOs. But right now the blockers aren’t being helpful at all. It appears that the blockers got the dates mixed up. Rather than wait until the 25th to do their blocking duty, they’ve started blocking now. Streets, hallways, doors, cars, trains, planes, and paths, all blocked by these well meaning citizens. The entire nation has been virtually shut down by the blockers and their attempts to block anyone from doing anything. All attempts to reason with the blockers have failed, as it seems they were told during blocker training that the only people who would tell them to stop blocking would be enemies of the nation. The government was preparing to declare martial law, but instead decided that it was better safe than sorry, so for now it appears that the blockers are here to stay. Experts believe that the blockers will disperse in the days after the Congressional election, and that until then we should all just leave them alone. One scientist offered this advice, “If you just leave them alone you’ll be fine. The blockers are as scared of you as you are of them. Besides, if we disturb them now we’ll just upset their mating cycle, and then we might see a dip in the blocker population next month. The last thing we need is to create another endangered species.” We at ‘The Silhouette’ have decided to listen to that advice. After all, that guy is a scientist and wears a white lab coat, so he’s got to be smart.

Happy Card Reading Day America!
- The Time Lord