Old Spice Man Teaches You E-conomics
Day 1,015, 09:04
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Published in Canada 
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by
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by William Duncan
Hello ladies.
First. If your man hasn't read my last article, make sure he does so now. Sadly, your man can't be me until the 5th, but he can start smelling like me!
Today I answer your questions about the economy. From my boat.
A citizen named Octopus_Fruits wrote,
Question: "[Dear Old Spice Man,]
You don't even have an economics policy !!! What would you do to improve our weak economy? Do you have any relevant data or information, or a business plan or proposal, to improve the country's economic activity? This a real joke. Your whole platform is a JOKE!!! I can't believe people read this garbage... "
And he rambles on like this for some time, which is most un-manly.
Answer : First. You deeply offend me for doubting my decisions on this subject, which clearly you know nothing about. But - (since I am a man) - I will now teach you.
Economy comes from greek words meaning, "house rules," which is a very noble, manly idea. This also proves that economics has nothing to do with science or math, which things are not known for their manliness.
An economy, therefore, is either weak like a sissy-boy or strong like me, not due to satistics (like productivity, health or happiness) ; En contrare,
Stop!
Look at me.
I use expressions from other languages.
Now look at your man.
Now back to me :
So an economy is weak (like sissy-boys) or strong (like me) in exact proportion to the overall manliness in the government, which rules this house. Overall loss in economic might is, therefore, caused by the government substituting genuine Old Spice® with lady's-scented body-wash.
Let me demonstrate with figures, which can sometimes be very manly ; for example, if drawn on my perfect pecs, as here :
The Age of Manliness :
1. Here we see the beginnings of World War III, which was punishment on the not-yet-existent Brolliance for wearing too much lady's-scented body-wash - even more than the former PEACE GC's intolerable use.
2. Peak of the Age of Manliness. Here voting records are being shattered due to the correct use of Old Spice Body Wash® by Allied Presidents, which was most manly of them. Some of their descendants would continue to savour of the manly goodness of Old Spice® for some time.
The Age of lady's-scented body-wash :
3. Here we see Presidents stinking of lady's-scented body-wash, and not manly Old Spice®. The loss of manliness in house rules has resulted in decreased participation because no one likes taking orders from a President who smells like a lady, and not a man.
OLD SPICE MAN's Conclusion :
All this jibber-jabber -(which is something a man should never do)- about "fun" and "excitement" is what lady's-scented body-wash smells like over the internets. Now adventure, and exploration, (which history proves to be most manly) --- This is what genuine Old Spice® smells like.
Remember !
Anything is possible when your President smells like Old Spice, and not a lady : so don't be fooled by lady's-scented body-wash masquerading as Old Spice! Only I am on a horse - no one else is on a horse, or a boat for that matter !
Swan dive ! Ha.
Old Spice Man will now take your questions.
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Comments
This as got to be one of the best platform I've seen in my eLife!!!
Question:
What would you do about some of our smelly neightboors? Can they be redeemed or should we increase the fundings for Odour Defence system?
Answer:
No one likes neighbours who stink of lady's-scented body-wash ; if, therefore, they do not make proper use of genuine Old Spice, they will have to be re-scented with genuine Old Spice, which thing only a manly nation can do for them.
Question:
How will you solve the problem of American's somewhat excessive use of lady's-scented body-wash?
Answer:
I will ride through America on my horse.
Men are drawn to manliness, and ladies cannot resist the sweet savouring goodness of genuine Old Spice, especially on a man as exquisite as I am. In due time, the American people will re-claim their manliness, and proudly wear genuine Old Spice once again.
Question: What is your policy on the ever growing threat of a Phoenix invasion of eCanada?
also, can i have a cookie? :3
Answer:
Penix is naturally drawn to the sweet savouring manliness of original Old Spice countries. Using Old Spice is guranteed to increase the economic, military and political might of your country, as history and this teaching shows.
Thanks Lincoln for your question !
As for the cookie, this is not very manly ; instead, you should drink a Red Bull or eat a steak.
Dear Old Spice Man,
If Old Spice Body Wash when used tingles all over should I be concerned? And how are our Scandinavian brothers in Noway cooping with body wash and lands being taken by femininely scented penix? And one last question, would you ever run for congress?
Dear Daks,
First, the tingly sensation produced in some men by wearing genuine Old Spice is the result of your inner manliness beaming with satisfaction.
Second, the Scandinavians do not need Old Spice Body Wash. Their natural manly B.O is part of what we use to make genuine Old Spice : penix's aggressive desire to bathe in the glory of original Scandinavian Body Wash is the driving force for their attacks.
Last, Congress - like all manly assemblies - smells much better when lathered in the manly, soapy goodness of Old Spice Body Wash ; if Congress smells too much like lady's-scented body-wash, then I, as an Old Spice Man, would be duty bound to share my manly goodness with them.
Thank you for your manly questions !
Old Spice Man.
wtf?
😁
Which ladies-scented body wash using ecountry are we going to teach how to use Old Spice first:
UK or France?
How do I get rid of this rash on my groin?
Do you plan any making secret deals with fascist cultures? ( if there are any left that we don't already have a deal with)
As funny as you are, you realize that war is generally unprofitable for all parties involved; unless you're saying that you only pummel people in the face repeatedly if THEY instigated a fight(which is probably what you are saying), in which case, I approve. True allies(i.e. USA-to-Canada relationship/NOT Russia-to-Serbia relationship) are worth more than hospitals and defense systems that could be bought with the saved money. Quite honestly, Voted.
This guy's getting my vote.
Q's Why are you advertising in America? Isen't that a huge waste of money? After all, YOU are running for Pres in CANADA.
Sure i love you mission of spreading manliness (:, but why waste money which could have been better used?