Never fight mythical creatures on an empty stomach

Day 681, 10:20 • Published in USA Ireland • by Reactionist

I pull up my homepage and the first thing I see is "USA attacks Sasquatch, Hungry". First of all, kudos to the brilliant man, I presume Gaius, who found Sasquatch, and furthermore, had the gumption to attack him. The problem is, mates, we're losing badly. Bigfoot is just thumping us solidly and I think it has something to do with skipping breakfast this morning. I mean it says it right there in the headline. 100% of the citizens of eUSA only eat one meal a day. This is a real problem.

I have a proposal. What we need is a squad attached to the fighting corps, a sustenance squad if you will. It can be a taco truck, pizza wagon, Chinese buffet, I'm really not particular as long as there are no paddy wagons. But eAmerica needs to feed her troops. I figure with this plan, we can regroup and take Sasquatch down and follow it up with victories over Nessie, the Thunderbird, the Chupacabra, and the Abominable Snowman. We gotta catch 'em all. Me and my boys will be cheering you on from the ePubs.

Erin Go Bragh,
God bless eUSA,
Reactionist

P.S. Find out what the hell happened to the Mounties, I thought they were backing us up on this one.