National Security Alert, Eastern Seaboard at Risk!

Day 1,007, 16:34 • Published in USA USA • by Chocolate McSkittles

The Krems Administration has been hard at work this past week in its crusade against Nations of Undetermined Biological Status (N.U.B.S) in the name of humanity, striking huge wins in multiple areas of conflict.

Yet, using my privileged position as Advisor to the President, I have learned that even as allied forces rest from their recent string of victories, a new threat looms on the horizon threatening to destroy the eUS on a moments notice.

While this administration stands idly and paints a rosy picture with its government propaganda, I will not allow the public to remain uninformed of potential disaster lurking just around the corner

The implosion of Emerick’s ego.

"It's quite simple," describes a lead white house scientist who asked to remain anonymous to avoid fallout, "for so long leading scientists have watched the growth of the 'ego' with concern, but remained confident that so long as it continued to grow upon itself it could remain stable. Krems' recent victories have caused this ego to actually shrink for the first time in scientific memory, leading to a potential implosion. The best case scenario is a tsunami that destroys the Midwest. (WRITERS NOTE: THIS ACTUALLY WOULD BE P COOL). There is, however, the possibility that the tsunami expands and wipes out the east coast. Worst case scenario is that Emerick’s ego deflates into a fucking black hole."

After noting the look of confusion apparent on my face, he/she continued, "Basically, for a year now Emerick’s ego has been building like a giant Jenga tower. With Krems' legacy overpowering that of all others, it's like we have begun to take pieces off of the tower. Now, I don't know how good you are at Jenga, but I'm about as bad as it as I am at driving, and that’s saying something considering I am a hot azn chick who spends all my time playing Starcraft"

It all made sense

Digging deep in the rabbit hole, I set up a secret meeting with a former EDEN leader and got another piece of the puzzle. "EDEN leadership hasn't always had to live in terror of Emerick's ego. It all changed that fateful day that someone suggested Emerick trick Indonesia into signing a peace treaty in the wrong war. After that the situation began to spiral rapidly out of control". He looked around nervously, "EDEN leadership even intentionally lost a few battles for fear of the repercussions of victory".

A terrifying situation with no real hope for a solution?

"Send him to Servia," suggested one anonymous White House staffer, 'big-wig', "that way we may be victorious in the war for biological survival. Well actually, that may harm Broatia. Send him to Indo and hope the devastation doesn’t wipe out Nippon?"

Dear Dio. Save us all.

-Choc