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Salaam aleikum Pakistan! Glory to Pakistan! Hail Dio Brando!

We have done it Pakistanis! Here I am in Kerala, celebrating Pakistan's victory through Dio Brando, our holy and immortal god Emperor! I can't habeeb it! We have walked over various Swedish and Indian corpses but we made it! Pakistan is superior! Hail to Pakistan! Hail to our immortal and holy god Emperor! Hail! Hail! Hail!

It is truly a great experience to be here, sitting on the balcony of the Great Maharajan Hotel in INSERT_CITY_NAME_HERE, smoking a cigar and watching the sunrise. It truly is a great moment in the history of Pakistan. A day that will not be forgotten, neither in the minds of hearts of Pakistanis, nor in those of the Indians.

Through our holy and immortal god Emperor they will reach salvation. Thanks to our peace they can live prosperous lives. Lives in which they do not need to hunger without sand, or be without knowledge, homes or guns. We have brought all this and more to this nation, and they will be thankful for it. If not, we will stuff cigars in their mouths until they are!

Hail! Hail! Hail!

By Dio I love saying that. Now let me tell you a little story all about how my life got flipped turn upside down. I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the Raja of a place called Thiruvananthapuram:

It all started in Raipur. Actually it all started in Isalamabad, but that's another story. I woke up to another really, really, really hot day. I decided to just walk around naked from now on, that's how hot it was. I geared up with my, also naked, men and we were on our way to Kerala.

Now the distance from Raipur to Kerala is pretty large, so this time, to speed up our voyage, I decided we also not stop by any villages to do the usual "Lot's of dead villagers" and "Oh wow it was the Swedes all along!" thing. Directly to Thiruvananthapuram, the new capital of India. No stops, not even if we had to take a piss. We were naked anyway, we'd just piss out of the car at full speed.

Oh and I have to tell you this great story, Ahmed was sittin' there, chillin' in the back and telling us about how he had fucked this really hot Indian chick. He was totally into the story and then Umar decided to take a piss and get this, due to the speed of the car and the wind, he pissed out the side and it hit Ahmed right in the face! Oh man you should've seen Ahmed's face, it was full of piss. Then Ahmed shot Umar in the leg and they were even.

Contrary to what we formerly saw along the Indian roads, many villages were still intact. It seems the Swedish presence was stronger in the north. The people were cleary in awe at our Pakistani greatness. I took it to myself to pose in a heroic matter various times whilst passing villages. The females liked it, so did some of the homosexuals.

This is also a great benefit of our great nation. Due to the fact that the Swedes have been dispersed in India, people can have whichever religion they wish and their sexual relations to whichever gender are completely irrelevant. Although our holy and immortal god Emperor frowns upon wasting the glorious seed of every Pakistani, this is not so the case with Indians, because they are not direct descendants of the Pakistani bloodline. As such we can accept their heretic ways until we have completely assimilated them into our glorious country.

Anyway, we were driving on the Indian roads, completely in the nude, smokin' cigars. Shit was so CASH you had to be there to believe it. The monotonous roads and scenery of India quickly got me tired, I fell asleep numerous times and drove into fields. After the fifth crashed buggy we decided to let Mohammed drive. From then on it was a smooth ride. I fell asleep and started dreaming, and in my dream I saw our immortal and holy god Emperor, Dio Brando, blessed be his exaltedness and may his name and gloriousness echo into the deepest depths of eternity.

He spoke to me and sai😛 "Wake up William" and in that moment, I woke up. It was truly a miracle! I told Mohammed to stop the car and I told them of my dream. We started to chant and sing loudly and made a blocked in the middle of the road, ordering every passing Indian to dance and sing with us and smoke some cigars. This went on for a few hours until everyone got tired. We then got back into our buggies and put on Cruise control© to Thiruvananthapuramanabadamabadabadabmeah eabdahabad.

Cruise control© is a great invention from the Aperture Science®. It allows you to travel long trips at a pre-defined rate on a pre-defined route giving you complete pre-defined-freedom to go wherever you want! You can sit back, relax and have a nice cool COPYRIGHTED_BEVERAGE_NAME while you enjoy the scenery of COUNTRY_NAME! I suggest that you get one of these things, it is very practical and fun.

As the sun was setting upon the Indian plains, we arrived in the bright city of Thiruvananthapuram. It was a lovely sight. A shantytown as far and wide as the fields we saw before. Dozens, hundreds, if not majillions of Indians were still awake at this hour. Cars were honking, donkeys were taking dumps and I could not recall how many people I've shaken hands with, but my wrists sure are sore!

We arrived at the Great Maharajan Hotel in Thiruvananthapuram and I ordered my men to get dressed, as we had a great feast to attend to celebrate the dependance of India. I was supposed to hold a speech, but I told them that I was too drunk to hold a speech and threw up in front of them. Then I went to bed.

And now, I am here, writing this article. What a day! What a glorious bringing of peace! Congratulations Pakistan, you have done well! Hail Pakistan! Hail New Pakistan! Hail Dio Brando, our immortal and holy god Emperor! HAIL! HAIL! HAIL!

tl;dr
1.Leaving Raipur
2.Going to Kerala
3.Celebrating Indian dependance
4.Smoking cigars
5.Burning swedish flags
6.Smoking more cigars