Montezuma's Revenge
Day 651, 19:04
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Rex Object
Montezuma's Revenge
Ed. Note: I'm continuing my trip around the world with a stop in Mexico, where my noble quest for better international relations through the sampling of native intoxicating libations and quality celebrity tail has resumed.
In RL I have made two trips south or the border; a spring break jaunt to Cancun where the tequila flowed like water, and a few years later to the Pacific resort city of Puerto Vallarta, where my stomach contents flowed from my ass like water. The former was a testament to college-age drunken independence, the later an indictment of the local potable water supply. As I left the US for the second leg of my foreign adventure, I hoped that this trip would be closer in enjoyment to the Cancun experience than the experience I had sitting on the can in Puerto Vallarta.
Things, however, didn't begin well. Upon arrival I took a low-paying job at a moving ticket sweatshop to earn a few pesos. Soon afterward war broke out in California, and despite my best efforts I couldn't convince my boss to fire me thus allowing me to return to the US to fight. Defeated, I thought I'd make the best of a bad situation and chat up the locals for a story. It seems, however, that in Spanish "Rex Object" is a synonym of "filthy pariah" as no one would make eye contact with me, much less respond to the sincere questions I posted on the national forum.
On the plus side, I have yet to crap out my lower intestine, and I still haven't given up on seeing Mexico's two most famous monuments, both conveniently located on Salma Hayek's chest (although, in the spirit of full disclosure, I'm fairly certain they were made in the USA.)
Also, Mexico's President Eisenhorn has graciously agreed to an interview, which, barring a meeting with Ms. Hayek, will almost certainly be the highlight of my trip. If you have any questions for him, please post them in the comment section. Just make it quick; I feel I might be dashing off to the loo any minute now.
Please subscribe, and help make my Penguin Bowling Balls huge!
Ed. Note: I'm continuing my trip around the world with a stop in Mexico, where my noble quest for better international relations through the sampling of native intoxicating libations and quality celebrity tail has resumed.
In RL I have made two trips south or the border; a spring break jaunt to Cancun where the tequila flowed like water, and a few years later to the Pacific resort city of Puerto Vallarta, where my stomach contents flowed from my ass like water. The former was a testament to college-age drunken independence, the later an indictment of the local potable water supply. As I left the US for the second leg of my foreign adventure, I hoped that this trip would be closer in enjoyment to the Cancun experience than the experience I had sitting on the can in Puerto Vallarta.
Things, however, didn't begin well. Upon arrival I took a low-paying job at a moving ticket sweatshop to earn a few pesos. Soon afterward war broke out in California, and despite my best efforts I couldn't convince my boss to fire me thus allowing me to return to the US to fight. Defeated, I thought I'd make the best of a bad situation and chat up the locals for a story. It seems, however, that in Spanish "Rex Object" is a synonym of "filthy pariah" as no one would make eye contact with me, much less respond to the sincere questions I posted on the national forum.
On the plus side, I have yet to crap out my lower intestine, and I still haven't given up on seeing Mexico's two most famous monuments, both conveniently located on Salma Hayek's chest (although, in the spirit of full disclosure, I'm fairly certain they were made in the USA.)
Also, Mexico's President Eisenhorn has graciously agreed to an interview, which, barring a meeting with Ms. Hayek, will almost certainly be the highlight of my trip. If you have any questions for him, please post them in the comment section. Just make it quick; I feel I might be dashing off to the loo any minute now.
Please subscribe, and help make my Penguin Bowling Balls huge!
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Comments
On the plus side, I have yet to crap out my lower intestine, and I still haven't given up on seeing Mexico's two most famous monuments, both conveniently located on Salma Hayek's chest
Lulz.
LOL. Great stuff.
always worth reading. 🙂
I can't believe I didn't discover this sooner. This is good stuff.
ask him this question: Who would he rather save from a burning building, and consequently bang Elsa Benítez or Salma Hayek - knowing full well that the other will perish and no longer grace this planet with her beauty?
That's hard-hitting journalism for ya.