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Good Evening, girls and boys and boys and girls,

Those of you with one ear to the ground and a keen eye on important domestic affairs may have noticed that I finally won my first seat in Congress at the last election. If you didn’t notice this then you’re obviously not worth knowing and you should stop reading this before I get mad. Really mad. Ball-bustingly mad.

Anyway, as should be standard for all congressmen and seeing as I need to prove to my Party President that I am indeed paying attention and am not sitting at the back of the House of Commons snoring into a steak 'n' cheese baguette, below is a quick summary of the proposals I have been forced to vote on during my first two weeks in office.



MPP with Slovenia
APPROVED
For: 37 Against: 0

I voted for this. Slovenia is a key TWO ally. Also, I struggle to tell apart their flag from Slovakia’s. Also Russia’s – but they’re evil. Hmm. There are 32 countries in the world whose flags are red, white and blue and Slovenia are one of my favourites. Yeah? IS THAT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON FOR YOU? WHAT AM I TO YOU - SOME SORT OF VOTE-JUSTIFYING MACHINE?

MPP with Republic of Macedonia
APPROVED
For: 36 Against: 1

I voted for this, despite how it always seems to be Macedonians who snipe my BH medals. Grrr! This does suggest that they are a great warrior people, worthy of our time and money (so saith the wise Alaundo). Also, they’re a good ally.

President Impeachment
REJECTED
For: 25 Against: 13

I voted against this proposal, which I felt was primarily proposed for the purposes of political point-scoring. P-p-p-pick up a penguin.

Natural Enemy on France
REJECTED
For: 20 Against: 19

I voted against this proposal as it was a blatant attempt to undermine the new CP (and all-round dude), BlueandEvil, and his plans for a training war. Also…it was just a stupid idea, further proven to be a stupid idea by the fact Poland then launched their major offensive against Russia and so we shouldn’t be drawn into a war (training or otherwise) with the unreliable Frenchmen-and-women.

New Citizen Message
APPROVED
For: 32 Against: 4

This was a no-brainer, i.e. it was such a boring proposal that I turned my brain off, fell face-first onto my keyboard, and voted yes.

VAT to 5% (from 15😵 and Import Tax to 10% (from 60😵
APPROVED
For: 24 Against: 12

Though I actually argued against this in the Congressional discussions, I actually voted in favour of the proposal. It is a relatively no-risk proposal with Iain Keers agreeing to insure the country against any loss of income (NOBODY LET HIM FORGET THIS!) and my disapproval of the VAT cut is well counterbalanced by my approval of the Import Tax cut. Further opening our borders to foreign competitors will mean that manufacturers will be further inclined to pass on the VAT cuts to the regular joe, like me and me.

Minimum Wage to 0.75 (from 0.5)
REJECTED
For: 11 Against: 27

Income Tax to 11% (from 5😵
REJECTED
For: 7 Against: 31

I voted against these proposals, mainly because I didn’t want to undermine the “experiment” of the VAT/Income Tax cut by passing other proposals. Furthermore, both proposals came from nowhere and there was no discussion on them.

Natural Enemy on Ireland
APPROVED
For: 29 Against: 7

I was one of those few – those brave few – who voted against this proposal. I don’t feel we need the NE bonus for the training war against Ireland and I would rather have kept the NE free in case we need to launch it strategically against (e.g.) France, in order to indirectly help Poland in their push eastwards. Also, once I saw an Irishman wielding a broom beating another one up on an Australian beach, and I just don’t want to make natural enemies with any people with such scary and easy access to broom-weaponry.



Anyway, that’s it for now. I would like to doll up this article with some pictures and beautiful formatting, I really would.

FIN.