Live the Swiss Dream
Swiss Ministry of Awesomeness
Have you ever caught yourself wondering if the United States is really the right place for you? Do you find that it’s nearly impossible to succeed in the rat race that is American politics? That while wandering the smog filled streets of Los Angeles or Miamia, you wish that you could live somewhere that perhaps is a bit more… peaceful?
Well, look no farther! Only a short moving ticket away is Switzerland, where cows frolic freely in the fields and friendly villagers greet you warmly while stealing your wallet. Switzerlands a small country where everybody knows each other, so when you arrive everyone from around town will show up to welcome you to our beautiful country. You'll be able to recieve a free tour down to some mountain caves to visit the only surviving Neanderthals in the New World outside of Indonesia. We need help deporting them back to their native lands so investments would be gladly appreciated.
If you ever think eRepublik is getting too boring, travel to Romandie and hike across mountains to visit the great Spiritual Guide of eSwitzerland, the mighty Renouille. Don't be alarmed to find that he is in the shape of a cow, the cow is in fact the official animal of Switzerland and is considered sacred under the Renouillist religion. In the region of Deuschschwitz you can come to our National Zoo and throw peanuts at the rare and elusive Clifford Burns, a creature which is found in no other country in the world. While you’re there you can also look at pigeons, and that’s about all.
If you think that you will be shunned because you are an immigrant from another country, think again. There are many, many different cultures in eSwitzerland. As the mighty Renouille has put it, “Switzerland is the land of pirates.” We have French pirates, German pirates, Greek pirates, American pirates, Serb pirates, Italian pirates, Russian pirates, and even a pirate from the South Pole. We don’t have any laws or a Constitution so you can do whatever you want. As the mighty Renouille has said, “Do what you want because a pirate is free.” True words of wisdom.
As many of you don’t know, Switzerland will soon take over the world. Unfortunately, before we take over the world we need an army, so in order to encourage enlisting we are offering free Swiss Army knives to volunteers. We also have authentic Swiss yodelers who will sing their heart out to entertain you on cold winter nights. When we conquer the world we will make everybody else our slaves, so join while you can!
If you haven’t been convinced to come to Switzerland then you have no doubt been living under a rock your entire life. Either way, you should book your tickets now because if you do not come to our country we will steal your babies. Have a nice day and thank you for voting and subscribing (cuz I know you are).
And remember, soon the world will speak Swiss! Muahahahahaha!
The eSwiss Forum: http://forum.ehelvetia.ch/
the eSwiss IRC: #eSwitzerland
Comments
DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE
DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE
"DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE" x3
"DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE" x4
Hey ! It was my sentence ! 🙁
YOU ARE A PIRATE!
DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE YOU ARE A PIRATE YAR HARR
i dont wana be a pirate, can i be a ninja instead? ♥ lol
Yarrr.
I chuckled, because I am subbed to this paper and I have no idea why.
EDEN PTO FUUUUUUUU
the world will speak Swiss? I didn't know Swiss was a language.
You've never heard of SWISS? Next you'll tell me you've never even heard of Canadian!
There are no swiss language 😃😃😃
DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE
I wonder if this guy realizes the American diet has quite a lot of cow in it. Besides, any place with Serb butt-pirates is no place for me.
Voted!! Switzerland is a great place to live🙂
sweet. voted
i love toblerone
"Dude I'm a pirate! What the devil do I care what me mother thinks!"
-Eric Theodore Cartman Arrrr BTW, this article was about Switzerland, not pirates...
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this article is soooo great!! i am packing my bags.. it is gonna take a bit cause i am coming with a q1 donkey from eGreece, but don't worry! sooner or later i ll be there to😇
No vote No sub No move. I have beaten your eSwiss mind powers. What shall you do now?
Cows? Check. Pirates? Check. Yodelers? Check. Boobies...wait, I see no boobies? Where are the boobies??? Screw you Switzerland, YOU HAVE NO BOOBIES!
Not voted, not subed.
Sitting in corner, pouting over lack of ta-ta's.
Switzerland lacks tits. Not voted, Not Sub'd 😨<
I like Milka chocolade,and Switzerland is beutiful country,but I can say this
LET IT BE WARRRR!
DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE
Btw, it is "Miami" not "Miamia."
Oh, you mean like how it's "Canadia", not "Canada"?
The Old Man and the Sea recounts an epic battle of wills between an old, experienced fisherman and a giant marlin said to be the largest catch of his life. It opens by explaining that the fisherman, who is named Santiago, has gone 84 days without catching any fish at all. He is apparently so unlucky that his young apprentice, Manolin, has been forbidden by his parents to sail with the old man and been ordered to fish with more successful fishermen. Still dedicated to the old man, however, the boy visits Santiago's shack each night, hauling back his fishing gear, feeding him and discussing American baseball—most notably Santiago's idol, Joe DiMaggio. Santiago tells Manolin that on the next day, he will venture far out into the Gulf to fish, confident that his unlucky streak is near its en
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Thanks for the summery Kalapuur..
Great article, good luck conquering the world (;
Paul Proteus, why do i have a feeling that you are behind this 😛
what is this i dont even
I've heard swiss girls will give you crabs.
I thought Swiss wasn't a language? I believe they speak German, French 'n Italian (and dialects on that).
Or am I wrong now? Please PM if I'm wrong (:
DO WHAT YOU WANT CUZ A PIRATE IS FREE...LOL ok guys hehehe
BroodRoosterNL, "Swiss" isn't a language, but we are just kidding with that for fun 😛