Let's Make A Deal! (Colin Lantrip Edition)
Xander Kross
Politics is exactly like a game show - a blatant push of consumer culture and gambling, lead by a fast-talking showman, usually featuring crappy prizes dressed up to look desireable, and most of the players walk away with nothing.
The game show we're playing now, with that scumbag Colin Lantrip 3 and his horde of Albanian savages, is Let's Make a Deal. And not the good one from the 70s featuring Canadian hero and patriot Monty Hall, but the repackaged, soulless, modern-retro version featuring Wayne Brady. Actually, even worse than that, because Wayne Brady is charming and can sing.
On Let's Make A Deal, the host gives the guest a choice between three doors; one hides a glamourous prize like a new Cadillac or a de-luxe vacuum cleaner; one door hides a little stand with 100 bucks on it; and one door hides a goat or a jackass. The host tries to bribe the guest with cash to hedge the bet, just in case the guest hasn't picked the door with the desired prize. Or something like that, I don't watch stupid game shows.
In the Colin Lantrip 3 version, the jackass is the host, and every door has a goat behind it. Occasionally, the jackass will try to bribe the guest - not with cash, but by shuffling the order of the goats. Meanwhile, the jackass has sent the announcer - also a goat - to the guest's house to burn it down and kick his dog to death, while the jackass holds a knife to the guest's throat and tries to make him run up on stage and punch the door-opener girl in the sternum. And he's telling the audience about the Jeep Patriot that the guest keeps turning down.
Lantrip has publicly made the following demands of us:
- abandon our long-standing and beneficial relationship with Serbia
- remove Rylde from power by installing klop123 as dictator
It wasn't that long ago that eUSA had us under their boot for a few months, trying to force these exact same things. They were huge dicks about it in their and our media, and they occupied us for several long months.
Lantrip, on the other hand, has publicly maintained a "civil" face, not resorting to publishing inflammatory, insulting newspaper articles. But the demands are essentially identical. Hiding behind a mask of affected civility doesn't make him a nice guy - he's still a foreign enemy attempting to dictate our foreign policies, force us to elect a president of his choosing, and kill our community.
His tactics are even more vicious than eUSA's were "back in the day" - perhaps it is only because the dictatorship module hadn't been unleashed yet, but the Murikans didn't actually take over our government to destroy our economy and MPP stack. He claims to be doing this in an effort to weaken our effort to resist the occupation, but the truth is much more pathetic than that.
This isn't a "let's kill eCanada" situation, like it was with eUSA. They hated all of us and our allegiance to our Serbian bros. They disliked our attack on eUK right at the beginning of the alliance reshuffle. They wanted to punish all of us.
With Lantrip, this is a "Rylde is a jerk" grudge. He has a problem with one person in our country, so he is spending ridiculous amounts of money to harm all the rest of us and kill the community.
That, my friends, is a Zonk.
Whether or not Rylde is a jerk is not really up for debate. We elect him for what he is, and will continue to do so as long as he chooses to keep running. Our election process is not subject to the whims of an enemy. Love him or hate him, he's ours to do with as we please.
Likewise, our relations with Serbia - or anyone else, for that matter - are ours to determine. We have held onto this principle for as long as I've been an eCitizen. We've suffered long occupations defending it. Lantrip and his money won't change that.
Lantrip wants us to play his version of Let's Make A Deal. He wants us to pick one of the doors. We, the players, will hold out until Family Feud comes on - the most excellent version with drunk-ass Rylde Dawson as the host.
No deals. No doors. Just GTFO.
Comments
They don't use live animals as "zonk" prizes so much anymore. That was always confusing to me - did people actually take those damn things home? How is a live donkey not an awesome prize? Who doesn't want a donkey? I mean, worse case scenario, you have no place to keep it, so you butcher it and have a freezer full of delicious donkey meat and maybe a handsome hide.
Best article I have read in ages!
go CANADA thats the spirit!
Besti article like saiwun sayd.
o/
No deals. No doors. Just GTFO.
Voted hard.
(Y)
I'm happy, as long as he is spending his money on it. Means he's wasting more from his retirement. Not my issue 🙂
"Whether or not Rylde is a jerk is not really up for debate. " Not even Rylde would debate this statement. lol
http://youtu.be/_EWvPLWIE-o
Yeah, that's pretty much it. I don't often agree with Xander, but the principle of the matter makes it completely irrelevant whether objectively klop would make a better leader than Rylde or not - you do not have the moral right to overturn a democratic election with cash and tanks. I didn't vote for him - in fact, I'm pretty sure no one in the PFC did. But he won the election this month. The enemy of your enemy can, in fact, also be your enemy.
As an Amurkian, I feel deeply for the Canadian community. God Bless US/Canada.
Good article.
It got me thinking about something completely unrelated to the game, though. It's called the Monty Hall Problem. Even though it seems completely counter-intuitive, you have a better statistical chance of getting the good prize behind one of three doors if you change your selection after one door is opened to reveal a zonk.
Because, math, I guess. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Hall_problem
Sweet Christ that's a mindbender.
I wouldn't mess with Wayne Brady.
https://youtu.be/Em8_DgM0QIk
He's also gold in Whose Line is it Anyway.
I miss Chappelle 🙁
I think he already made a deal. Rylde leaves.
Incorrect. He made an offer, which was roundly rejected.
Basically, Rylde is our "problem" to deal with, and if we as a community (as opposed to just one lonely, angry loony who keeps saying the same exact things over and over and over) feel we need to do something about him, it will be our decision. Not the decision of a hostile foreign invader attempting to force an action through threat of economic and diplomatic ruin.
We keep Rylde for the same reason we keep Serbia as allies.
But you can go ahead and keep on missing that point. Didn't you used to be all about "everyone should just shut the hell up, leave each other alone and click the fight button" any time anyone said anything even remotely partisan? I miss the old Simulare. Well... "miss" is too strong a word. "Felt marginally less anathematic towards" is perhaps more accurate.
Lantrip needs to stop wearing panties so they don't get in a knot.
Rylde may be a loudmouth when he has a few beers but so what, He is our loudmouth. Love him or hate him, he does good things for Canada, like getting people involved.
If Lantrip wants to blow his own RL cash on this game to keep us down, I look forward to fighting as hard as I can to make it as costly as possible for him and drain his bank account. We have been held down by the US, Spain, Pheonix and countless others lasting months and months and in the end we have hoofed them all out.
Lantrip can kiss my Tembutt 🙂
Rylde should grow a pair tho! WHO EVEN GETS DRUNK ON BEER??? WHOOO?
Rylde has a pair. Where have you been? lol
We are talking Canadian stuff, not that American repackaged water they call beer.
Oh puhleasee, Indian beer would prolly kill you guys then 😛
6% beer? Maybe the taste of it will kill us (rice or millet? what the hell is that lol) but not the alcohol content
40% lol 😛
Great article. Agree with you for mos ot it. Rylde is our problem and honestly, we know how to deal with. And even if Rylde can sometime be a Ass (specially with French-Canadian), he's Canadian and Patriot.
Klop as dictator ? Why not 😃
If klop ever decided to make a play for Dictator, I'd support him. If he wants to run for CP, I'd vote for him. Unless Rylde was running against him.
What I will not do (and I believe this is true for klop also) is stand idly by while he is installed as our leader by a foreign agency.
Rather be wiped than make a deal.
V