Let's put an end to teabagging mkay?

Day 1,328, 13:23 • Published in Austria Austria • by Alex Lorre

So, in case nobody else has noticed, the current world war situation has gotten kinda old. It's the same old shit time and again: 2 main massive alliances shaking their junk in each others faces until one finally manages to teabag the other. Way back when I was a wee lad we had (very rough timeline ahead) ATLANTIS teabagging Asia, then Phoenix teabagging North America, then EDEN teabagging I forget where, and now ONE is teabagging just about everything that moves. It's the same old shit and quite frankly it's getting old. So I've got an idea that I'm sure is not even remotely new and is probably itself rather stale and moldy but hear me out because I don't think it's been given a serious enough chance.



What we need to spice things up around this sausage fest are a whole bunch of smaller, tight knit, regional alliances. I know, I know, sounds boring or redundant or some other word that works in that situation right? Well if you just answered yes to my rhetorical question then 1) you aren't supposed to answer rhetorical questions, and 😎 I don't think you've given it quite as much thought as the idea deserves. Let me elaborate on the meat (another penis reference) of my proposal here for a bit and see if I can't con you into thinking this sounds like a good deal.



War, in this game, is fun. It gets the nationalists' rocks off and gives the rest of us (insert number)-clickers something else to click for a bit. It brings otherwise disparate communities together, unites countries in defense, and gives us anti-imperialists something to bitch about. But losing a losing war isn't fun, it's just depressing, and winning an already won war isn't fun because it isn't challenging.



War is, aside from nationalism, egoism, and shits and giggles, primarily driven by economic concerns. What country doesn't jack off daily to its weak neighbor's iron region? The countries that already conquered that mofo that's who! So let me ask you, how could Russia be expected to have the same economic priorities as Brazil? Or Australia? Or Ireland? The answer is they don't. The only connection they have, the only reason they all bust their balls to help each other, is their mutual involvement in a bloated super alliance. These alliances serve no common economic interest, instead existing only to further propagate this philosophy of Mutually Assured Destruction. The two sides in this global clusterfuck are all basically allying themselves in the infinitely old struggle of who has the bigger balls between Hungary and Romania.



So if Hungary and Romania wanna wave their junk in each others faces then you know what I have no problem letting them. Have at it you two! But why the hell should their package punching contest have anything to do with the US, Indonesia, Brazil, or Spain? I say it's high time (4:20 to be exact) that these distant allies/enemies say good riddance to each other and start looking to their own backyards for fun and economic prosperity, and let those distant battles be fought by the distant combatants who actually have something to gain from them.


(^Can't have an article without one)

So why regional alliances? The handful of countries that neighbor each other are the real ones who have the interest over the lands in that region and the resources contained within. The economic motive for war or peace lies in that region alone (for the most part anyway). So if a group of nearby countries were to join up for mutual protection and even(ish) distribution of territorial resources they would all benefit each other and be stronger for it, instead of wasting away so that some already massive country can reap all the spoils in some far off locale. Then, if further need to expand was evident, either peaceful negotiations could be entered into with neighboring regions or the combined regional alliance could fight to take what was desired by force. This would pit two smaller and (hopefully) evenly matched alliances against each other in an actual challenge for status and economic gain in a smaller corner of the map, enabling other areas to exist in relative peace aside from their own regional squabbles.

Here are some rough outlines of potential regional alliances including citizenship numbers for each country and region. Obviously some are bloated and some countries could make up their own alliance all by themselves. However I did try to make as even blocks as possible with their neighbors.

Northern Europe(10,45😎
Norway(426)
Sweden(2,591)
Denmark(127)
Finland(821)
Estonia(642)
Latvia(1,360)
Lithuania(4,491)

North America(11,99😎
Canada(1,942)
USA(8,403)
Mexico(1,653)

South America(20427)
Venezuela(782)
Columbia(76😎
Brazil(10,582)
Peru(531)
Bolivia(404)
Argentina(5,355)
Chile(1,23😎
Uruguay(422)
Paraguay(345)

South Asia/Africa(13839)
South Africa(351)
India(825)
Australia(1,091)
New Zealand(422)
Indonesia(9,706)
Philippines(346)
Malaysia(392)
Thailand(432)
Singapore(275)

East Asia(14100)
China(5,669)
Taiwan(2,675)
North Korea(18😎
South Korea(4,896)
Japan(672)

Middle East(17849)
Turkey(11,083)
Cyprus(1,399)
Egypt(345)
Saudi Arabia(235)
UAE(283)
Iran(2,455)
Pakistan(529)
Israel(1,520)

Poland & Company(15619)
Poland(14,850)
Czech Republic(210)
Slovakia(559)

Eastern Europe(15672)
Belarus(543)
Russia(4,592)
Ukraine(3,502)
Hungary(7,035)

West Balkans(29554)
Serbia(16,192)
FYRoM(12,784)
Montenegro(57😎

East Balkans(27126)
Romania(8,711)
Republic of Moldavia(523)
Greece(6,742)
Bulgaria(11,150)

Western Europe(21014)
UK(2,49😎
Ireland(502)
France(3,65😎
Spain(9,193)
Portugal(4,093)
the Netherlands(58😎
Belgium(482)

Central Europe(14265)
Germany(2,341)
Italy(2,472)
Switzerland(269)
Austria(536)
Croatia(5,62😎
B&H(1,200)
Slovenia(1,819)

Notice my relatively even splitting of the massive Balkan powerhouse, as well as Eastern Europe. However there were places like South America that I really didn't know how to split well. You'd have to have Brazil versus all the rest of South America for it to be even. Similar problems exist in Western Europe. Furthermore I realize that often there are current enemies allied with each other in these lists. However the main point of this idea is that it would be much more beneficial for neighbors to be allies than enemies.

As I side these are just some prototypes to show how evenly matched these groupings could be and are obviously open for further tweaking and deliberating by the involved countries.



Currently ONE holds the distinction of being pretty damned unstoppable and, while I know some idealistic EDEN/Terra fanatics might say otherwise, probably won't fall until it collapses in on itself out of sheer boredom. However at the present rate this could honestly be soon because I can't imagine ONE having too much more fun after they've teabagged the moon and spent a few days gloating. So this leaves us at the precipice of a turning point, a shifting of the tides, a new ratio of peanut butter to jelly. Will this turning point merely become the next chapter in the teabag saga or will we finally get some changes and spice things up a bit? That my friends/enemies/acquaintances/peers will be up to you and your actions in the coming days/weeks/months. Make the right choice, the fun choice, and work to push your country into joining/starting a regional alliance.

Vote and Shout to help this along!

T-T-TODAY JUNIOR!