Know Your Enemy: The Japanese

Day 747, 13:45 • Published in USA USA • by Hari Michaelson
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Welcome to our official


KAWAII SUPER HAPPY FUN ARTICLE OF EVERLASTING SUNSHINE PANDA BEAR EDITION!

That is all.
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In today's entirely not racist article of Know Your Enemy, we're are most honored to present to you a classic eMerican enemy:
The Japanese

Truly, a force to be reckoned with.

Strengths: Every Japanese citizen is required to have a mastery in no less than nine (9) forms of combat by the age of 7. The only exception to this law are Japanese schoolgirls, who must have this mastery by the age of 3. Physically, the Japanese may not be initially intimidating, but be warned; the hair of every Japanese citizen is literally nothing more than a vast array of deadly points and razor sharp edges; be on your guard. Additionally, Japanese soldiers have the extraordinary ability to procure ridiculously oversized weapons, seemingly from thin air, which they then wield with a prowess that spits in the laws of Physics.

Yeah, take that Newton. See also: Deadly hair.

Weaponry: Aside from the aforementioned "Reailty breaking swords", the Japanese are also well-advanced in vehicular combat. In fact according to recent State-Ordered mandates, all Japanese citizens may now only utilize "Giant Robot" methods of transportion.

Pimp My Ride: Fucking Awesome Edition

Weaknesses: Godzilla.

/War

Kill-O-Meter Rating: 5 Regular Mecha Combined Into One Awesome Mecha/10
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The Muckraker: In Soviet Russia, Americans surprise attack you!