K-K-K-Kongress

Day 1,066, 17:17 • Published in USA USA • by Kentel

I was really trying to figure out how I could make it "K-k-k-k-k-k-kombo breaker", but I couldn't figure out a short way to do it. It's not like I've had months in kongress and suddenly decided not to run. That probably wouldn't warrant an article. The only combo I can really think of that I'm breaking is consecutive months not running for kongress. I think it's p high up there right now. So rather then including that really long explanation in the title, I just went with a boring Kongress one.

Anyway, I'm running for kongress in Chongqing. It's an awful "state". I have to check constantly to make sure I'm spelling it right. I'll remember it though, I'm certain. Or I'll just save:

"Vote
Yes
Chongqing"

as a word document and just paste it for every single vote. It's not like my vote actually matter.

Since you're subscribed to my newspaper, you clearly already love and adore me in every way possible, so I shouldn't have to convince you to vote for me. However, I'm bored and I feel like writing so I decided to do this. Plus it might convince some losers looking at the "Presentation" (HI THERE, LOSERS).

Credentials:

- Greatest White House Press Release Writer of all time.
- Secretary of Media
- Office of Militia Services
- Mobile Infantry and Training Corps Officer
- American Patriot
- Dioist

If I lacked even a single one of those qualities, I wouldn't even consider running. A kongressmen needs to have all of those ingredients to be a viable asset for the United States.

Honestly, I was typing up a stances section and then I realized, "Hey. This is dumb. No one actually cares about your policies," and since I want to go downstairs and watch Community, I sagely accepted the advice.

If you really have questions about an issue, then let me know. Just PM me and I'll try and send back a witty and/or lackluster response.

Remember:
Chongqing
Chongqing
Chongqing
Chongqing
Chongqing
Chongqing
Chongqing
Chongqing

That was a bit of spelling practice too. Huzzah for Kindergarten style repetition.

Don't hate me,

Kentel