Julian Mizu Elected, Apathetic About Land And Pastry

Day 1,175, 14:17 Published in USA USA by The Time Lord

Reliable News Unburdened By Facts

Letter From The Editor: Before delving in to today’s stories I’d like to take a moment to explain to people what they’re seeing. You may have noticed that the name of this paper has changed. This is to reflect the new attitude of the author. You see, before now this paper was run just like many others. I would write an article based mostly on my opinion of an issue with the hopes that people might agree with me and follow whatever advice or plans I put forward. No longer. Now this paper has shed the extra weight of things like “Plans”, “Information”, and “Truth” to get at the real stories that people want to read. That’s why, as you may have noticed above, in addition to the new name for the paper, it also has a new slogan. I hope you all enjoy this new format.

President Julian Mizu Elected, Nation Apathetic

This past Saturday people all over the eUS went to the polls and spoke in the form of votes. They were there to decide who the next leader of the nation would be, and they spoke with a quiet voice muffled by the bags over their heads. Nearly a dozen people decided to vote, and of those people 5.5 actually did it. The results were hardly spectacular. Julian Mizu was elected, beating out Claire Littleton by roughly 1.5%, but still getting a mere 31% of all votes cast. All other contenders were at least 10 points behind, with incumbent Haliman getting less than 9% of the votes. When asked about the election one voter said this, “Haliman? Oh right, he was President for a while right? Look, nothing against Haliman or any of the other candidates, but I voted for that Julian guy. Didn’t he found Wikileaks? That’s the kind of guy I want as President… I think… Anyway, I have to go, the Super Bowl is tomorrow and I don’t have nearly enough bean dip.”

Admi… Err, Plato Starts Land Rush

Today the artist formerly known as Admin and currently known as Plato unveiled a newish feature thing for eRepublik. Gone is the “My Places” tab, replaced instead with the “My Land” tab. With this new feature players can now buy land for their companies to sit on as we all know how much companies are in to that kind of thing. Many believe that because of the reduced cost of starting a company that accompanied this change the marketplace will soon be flooded with products selling at a fraction of their normal price. The long term ramifications of this change remain to be seen, but the short term affects are already being seen in the form of a massive land rush. Surveyors have started to buy up all the useful land that they can find with hopes of striking it rich. While most seem unclear about what they will do with the land, they all seem quite certain that they need more land and they need it quickly. We caught up with one of these prospectors and asked what his plans were, “Plans? Who has time for plans!? This is a land rush not a tea party! We don’t make plans we just buy up all the land we can and then do our best to keep other people off it. That’s what land is for, keepin’ people off of. Why I shot 4 squatters dead this morning alone, and I wounded another. If I keep going at this rate I’ll be rich in days!”

Kyle321n To Run For National Baker

As the national holiday known as Super Bowl Sunday was just getting underway notorious ginger Kyle321n was making an announcement. He has made official what many have suspected for some time now. Next month he will seek the office of National Baker. To kick off the longest campaign that many have seen in quite some time he has started preparing pastries for the nation. Busy in his kitchen he has already turned out a large number of cakes, cookies, pies, Danishes, profiteroles, and a few strudels. We went to visit Kyle at his campaign headquarters with several important questions to ask him. Unfortunately, we failed to ask any of them, opting instead to stuff our pants full of his baked bounty and run before he discovered our miss-deeds. We would like to wish Kyle good luck in his campaign. Here’s a quote from a random passerby outside Kyle’s headquarters, “I love chocolate chip cookies!”. We at The Silhouette think that says it all.

Until next time America
- The Time Lord