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Hello, and welcome back to late night with gessho .

It's been a long 10 days away from eRep, and holy crap was the food bad. I had to eat some strange Japanese things, and I'm not happy about it.

Tonight, we'll be talking about fine whiskeys. I prefer Irish Whiskey most of the time, but Scotch is a pretty good backup. We'll be reviewing three varietals: Tullamore Dew, Bushmill's, and Glenfiddich.


First off the block: Tullamore Dew


so delicious

I want you to know that the first night I ever tried this, I vomited into my paper shredder, and then in a trail leading to the trash in my bathroom. I never quite made it to the toilet. See, I had gone to the store looking for Jameson's, but they were out, so a well-meaning old bum told me this was some good stuff. How right he was. The whiskey itself has a nice crisp bite, with a strong finish. There is almost a banana-flavored aftertaste. I recommend it to anyone who likes to par-tay. That first night, I was so drunk, I think my girlfriend might have raped me repeatedly, and with great malice. I had hickeys on my choad, for chrissake.

Fun fact: I keep Tullamore in my flask, for those emergency coffee mornings.


Bushmill's


my best backup

This was my backup in Corea, as well as Honduras. A lot of times, Tullamore Dew is no where to be found, and you have to have a fallback. Bushmill's is a good fallback. It's got a lot more bite than Tullamore, and most Irish whiskeys in general, but that's ok. It's all about getting you fckued up, right? This and Jameson's are good shooting whiskeys, although you can easily drink Bushmill's straight. I drink most of my whiskey over ice, with a splash of water sometimes--it all depends on how much of an overarching tool my boss was that day. Bushmill's is very affordable, around $25 for the fifth.

Quick story about Bushmill's: I was very, very drunk in Songtan Alley in Osan, Corea one time, at a GI hangout, and I managed to get separated from a group of my friends. I had been drinking Bushmill's all night, since I don't really like the taste of soju. In fact, I was carrying a bottle around with me under my coat, avoiding the police. I ran into this nice young Corean girl, and we were soon doing some horizontal dancing.... and that was the first time I got crabs. Also, she had a kid.


Glenfiddich


cure for the common cold

This is a whisky. For those that don't know the difference, Irish is a "whiskey" and Scotch is a "whisky". I think the difference is something about the use of peat versus wood in the process of distillation, but this isn't a distillery lesson--go to wikipedia. Anyway, Scotch is smokier than Irish.

I think Glenfiddich might actually say on the bottle that it has notes of chocolate and pear in the aftertaste. Pear is correct, but not so much chocolate. I would say more caramel. Anyway, it's pretty good, and I'm actually having a glass right now. I picked this up because a, it was on sale; b, I was a little drunk when I went to the store and I thought it was a bottle of Glenlivet, which is also a good Scotch. The thing I like most about Glenfiddich is that it's the least smoky Scotch I've ever had--also not too much of a bite. I like bite, but it's nice to go with something that doesn't kick your ass sometimes, too.


Well, that's all for tonight, nerds. The tl;dr version is: get drunk, and poke smot every day. Make sure you keep your sacks clean and get in under that foreskin with the soap--that's where bacteria lives.


Catch up with me on #Gesshorium!
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