Join the new world

Spamgobbler drags the sealed chest full of documents out into the light from the forgotten corners of the eUS Mobile Infantry HQ, cracks open the lock with the butt of his rifle and starts rifling through the papers within. With his rifle. Heh heh heh.

You begin to think that maybe this guy isn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer.



IN the beginning...

…there was the wall.

Okay, maybe not in the beginning. In the beginning beginning, the peoples of the world crawled out of a sea of zeroes and ones and began their hardscrabble fight for survival. Most died, reduced back to the stream of ones and zeroes from whence they came. Some lived, but could not maintain sanity in the face of hardship and ran off to lives of quiet contemplative solitude. There they and their few descendants remain, atop mountains dispensing sage advice. Those that lived and stayed sane spread out, searching for food, and then began to cluster as they found fertile plains and abundant wildlife to sustain them.

And they multiplied. And multiplied. Some of them over multiplied. Some tried dividing, but this had a very low success rate and was frequently fatal.

Soon (by soon I mean over thousands of years) things got crowded, and people began to search for more space. Land bridges were crossed, mountain ranges passed, and rivers forded. More space was found, the multiplying continued, and soon just about every corner of the globe was occupied.

Then there was the flood. You may have heard about it. It rained. A lot. Lots of death, but eventually the waters receded and life rebounded. People learned to swim, too, just in case.

Eventually, people got sick of living under trees and pooping under those same trees. For one thing, the trees provided poor cover, and for the second, it began to smell. So some bright light had the idea of starting a village, with the shelters in one spot and the pooping trees a little bit away. Many scoffed at this, because it was new, and new = bad has been the motto of mankind practically from the primordial soup. But enough people went along with the village thing, and it started to catch on. Soon enough, people started bringing their food, or at least the mobile kind, closer to them, and thus the first possessions came into existence.

No one really knows who built the first wall, but what is known is this: once someone had something and really, really wanted to keep it, they put it in a safe place and started to pile rocks around it. Big rocks. Heavy rocks. The kind of rocks you need lots of people to carry around. Groups of people, organized groups, groups trained to work together. Groups like the Fraternal Order of Rock Carriers, or FORC, whose work cry was “Forc off!”

And so the walls began to rise. First there were little bitty walls, just enough to keep the pigs in. Then they started to build them higher, enough for cows, then elephants, and finally whales, though there was some difficulty in getting the whales out of the water and into the walled enclosures. People even started walling in their villages. Those within the walls felt secure and safe. But there were those who hated the walls, who wanted to see them torn down, who lusted for what lay inside them.

So now we’re back to where I started. The wall.

In those days there were two basic kinds of people: those who thought “I like this wall, it keeps my stuff in” and those who thought “The wall keeps me from taking other people’s stuff. It must go.” As one might imagine, this engendered some conflict between the two groups. First, insults were hurled, then pebbles, then foodstuffs and soon full-blown skirmishes were taking place.

Back and forth the battles raged, neither the wall-builders nor their adversaries managing to gain advantage over time. Short-term, though, a lot of rock was moved around and a bunch of people died.

It was around this time that the first Mobile Infantry soldier made her mark. Yes, her. One would think that only a male would be bold/stupid enough to try to take down a huge rock wall armed with only a stick, but no. Her name was Grnah, and she lived in the village of Pyncwr, which loosely translates as “place where there is slightly less cow poop than that other place over there.” Legend has it that one day, she was wandering the forests searching for food (as there was not much else to do in those days) when she had a vision. A monkey, or perhaps it was an ape, spoke to her while munching on a banana and told her to go forth to the hamlet of Snrbzapta (“the place of the three-leafed plant that eats our babies”), break down their wall and take the Idol of Skrim (the two-jawed squirrel god of acorn pancakes). Off she went, both undersupplied (she had just the one stick) and batsh!t insane (she was taking orders from a talking monkey), managed to knock down not only the wall but a good portion of the surrounding countryside, and dragged the leaden idol back to the monkey who promptly responded by flinging poo at her head.

Not much has changed in three thousand years, it seems…


to be continued…


Stay tuned for the continuing evolution of the Mobile Infantry and the world of eRepublik!

Meanwhile, you should join the eUS Military! Fight alongside your countrymen! Make friends! Try to take over the world! Oh, and take orders from a talking ape.

If your rank is at least Lieutenant and you have at least Expert level in one weapon, you too could be a member of the Mobile Infantry!!!

If not, then get your military career started in the Training Corps!


(Respectfully) submitted,
Captain Spamgobbler
Press Officer
PXO, Charlie-6
eUS Mobile Infantry