Hello Russia

Day 1,080, 21:46 • Published in Russia USA • by Turd Fergusen

How are you on this fine 5th of November. A better day for radical social movements there never was, i must say.
How about some theme music?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8fI-dGWT74

Alright, now to the point of this article
I will just come right out and say it.
We are here to PTO you.


Yes panic. Your very existence and right to rule will be taken away from you today. It will happen.
But why? How did this happen? Does it have to be this way? No.
You see, Russia did this to themselves. Your violent arrogance in the face of vastly superior nations, your pigheaded and delusional attempts at world domination, and your failure in choosing good allies all had a factor in the utter destruction of your nation. Phoenix doesn't care about you. Serbia, for example, would rather spend all their money defending their colonies, accept high value loans from Russia, and never pay them back, than help out big brother Russia.

Russia went wrong. There is no doubt about this.
That is where we, the USA and its allies, come in. We feel sorry for the Russian people. Its not their fault that Russia sucks so horribly in this game. As a superior country in every way, it is America's and EDEN's duty to step in and police inferior countries such as Russia.

We have a plan to make Russia Great again:

1) Make Russia join EDEN. Trust me, you;ll be better off 😉
2) Dismantle Russian military forces. Russia has not proven it can handle the responsibility of managing a military force, and until otherwise proven, it will not be allowed to have one
3) Russia must pay EDEN countries reparations of total of 10K Gold for the troubles Russia may have directly or indirectly caused.
4) Far Eastern Russia will become Western Alaska once again. A weak country such as Russia has no business controlling such bountiful high resources. You may have Northern Russia back.
5) The Russian language will be banned because it is a silly language. Russia will now only speak English so that the rest of the world can understand you.
6) SEES. You'll see 😉


I am confident that, in time Russia will see the errors of their ways. For a better Russia, vote Alpho in tomorrow's presidential elections!