Join the new world

After several months of slumber, Rainbowfish has decided to wake up. You may now prepare for the impending apocalypse, for in the words of the drug dealer down the street: "he be fuckin piiseeed".

That's why I strongly urge everyone to convert to Rainbowfishiology right away. Unless you have some kind of weird fetish for being killed in your sleep.



Proclaiming yourself to be a Rainbowfishiologist is fairly simple actually, you just have to travel to ninth circle of hell, leave pamphlets about the Mayan apocalypse everywhere, come back, and you're done; but then you have to "follow" the rules.

Much like a RL religion (which shall not be named), there is an all powerful "Fish-God" and Rainbowfish might be compared to some-sort of "Fish-Jesus". But I assure you the similarities between these two cults religions have absolutely no connection to each other.

Rainbowfish is a vengeful messiah. Those who oppose his followers directly oppose he and Fish-God. Rainbowfish directly condones violence towards anyone who challenges his greatness and ability to rule over this world. Therefore by challenging Rainbowfishiology, you've basically made yourself a walking troll magnet for the followers of Rainbowfish.

Hail Rainbowfish! May his reign be long and plentiful over us.

The book of Rainbowfish also clearly states several other things:
*Drink lots of alcohol.
*If someone ever tries to tell this religion is wrong cover your hands over your ears and keep yelling "LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
*Insurance fraud is acceptable.
*Pointless trolling is acceptable.
*Useless Violence is acceptable.
*Speak about your religion in public A LOT and make sure everyone notices you and physically force them to buy the Book of Rainbowfish.
*Vote every article Tyler McKinlen writes.
*Subscribe to Tyler McKinlen.


Looking better yet?


Amen.



Then you have to memorise the Story of Rainbowfish:


Long ago, off the coast of what we call the "East Midlands", there lived a fish called Rainbowfish. Rainbowfish was the son of "Fish God" and abused this fact, when asked why he would do this, he simply would reply with the greatest quote of all time "Self preservation above all else". Meaning that really didn't care about anyone else as long as he didn't have to get his hands (err fins?) dirty.

Later in Rainbowfish's life, he got tired of Fish God, so using his magical Rainbowfish powers he sent his father to our world and had him mate with a human female. This female gave birth to who we know now as Dio Brando. Fish God however died from Hepatitis C later that same year.

Rainbowfish, now being the only fish deity around, decided to relax for awhile, while Dio created an empire based upon his own self-infatuation. Then when Dio finally kicked over and went away, Rainbowfish figured it was time to come out and party.
So one night while sniffing glue in London's Hospital for The Clinically Insane. Tyler McKinlen (said glue sniffer) saw the image of Rainbowfish come to him and reveal to him the truth of the universe. Tyler then escaped after brutally murdering two nurses was peacefully released from the hospital.
Tyler McKinlen then took on the role as high-priest of the Rainbowfishiology cult religion .

And here we are today.



Now the fundamentals of Rainbowfishiology consist primarily of:

-General self preservation before other things.
-Swindling non-believers out of their gold.
-Constantly and annoyingly voice your opinions in public and get extremely defensive around those who don't agree with you.
-Asking unnecessary questions about EVERYTHING.





I hope everyone heeds my warning and is prepared to follow these steps to surviving the apocalypse. YOU'RE WELCOME.









Hail Rainbowfish!