Great Ways to Fix eRep: Admin Edition

Day 1,029, 14:13 • Published in USA USA • by CaptJustice

DISCLAIMER: As it seems some people weren't getting it... this is a little something called SATIRE


I would firstly like to commend our Glorious Leaders, the Admins. Though I am unworthy to speak their names, I know they are most merciful and will overlook my impudence and allow me to continue my article.

Many of you have noticed the recent changes that have been made, including altering the productivity formula and removing professions. Reactions have been mixed, but however misguided some individuals may be this was a fantastic triumph for the game. The beneficent admin has made the game more fair and even for newer citizens, and easier for employers! Now employers can hire noobies to do the same work, and citizens don't have to bother leveling up their economy skills.

While this is fantastic, i'd like to suggest a few things that in my humble opinion would improve the game even further.

Shouting

As most of you know, shouting is where you type a small 140 character blurb and publish it for everyone to see on their homepage. However, the most popularly used tab of the shout is the "friends" tab, where you can see shouts only from those on your friends list. This adulterous practice is completely unfair to newer players, who have little to no friends! I suggest, in fairness to these newer players, that we alter the module so that shouts are not visible to anyone at all. That way everyone is equal. The admins might consider removing the friendship feature completely.


Much Better

War Module

This module is arguably the most popular of all the game's features. However it is full of violence and injustice. One nation can completely destroy another, or simply rob a population of its sovereign rights to its land. This needs to be fixed.
I propose that all battles must be agreed upon by both parties, and in the end the territory will be shared equally by both sides, with the winner receiving a congratulatory high five. This way the module will be fair to both countries, and retention will be increased because whole nations will not be wiped off the map. In addition the damage formula will be altered so that newer players deal about the same damage as veterans so that every nation's military will have an incentive to use newer players.


The screen that will be displayed to the winner.

Economic Module and Companies

While our benevolent and magnanimous admins have made great strides in this field recently, my humble opinion is that they have not gone far enough. As it stands, this is one of the most inequality driven modules. Citizens are forced to work long and hard days for the benefit of a few wealthy company owners.

To fix this module, Admins should grant a free company with full stock and 500 currency for wages to every citizen upon birth. They should also allow for a "union module" to allow the working class citizen the right to organize. Features of this module would include sick days, paid vacation days, the ability to strike, and health, dental, and vision benefits. Its time the oppression of the working man comes to an end.


Workers Unite

Political Module

Possible the most corrupt and disgusting module of all. One fascist leader and around 40 elite aristocrats per country rule over the rest of the eRepublik citizenry with an iron fist. I propose an immediate remedy to this. All citizens should be granted the rights and privileges of the President and Congressmen. All citizens will have these rights at all times. In this manner we will be free to do as we wish for our country, and all people will be equal. The influx of new features will provide an incentive for new players to stick around, and revitalize the game for older citizens. It will also help combat bots and multis by taking away the incentive to gain votes. The eWorld will enter a new era of equality and justice.


We are all brothers, comrade.

And finally we move on to the worst and most unjust feature of all......

Gold



Gold is the currency, bought with real money or earned in game primarily through the monetary market, is the single feature with the most power to create rifts in status, iniquity in wealth, and unhappiness in the masses. It is affected by real world wealth, and if you don't have the money to purchase it then you must be a skilled and old citizen or you will never acquire very much of it.
This is an outrage. The most effulgent and bounteous Admin will, I am sure, correct this abuse by granting infinite gold to all citizens. This way everyone will have access to the same features and items as only the elite do now. With this correction the game will finally come to reach its fullest potential.


Yours,

Comrade CaptJustice