Got Hate Mail? (My Love Letters)

Day 651, 11:23 • Published in Canada Canada • by William Duncan
Got hate mail?

I do! I do!


When I was a baby citizen growing up in eCanada, I remember musing once that you aren't doing anything right in eRepublik until someone has taken the time to write you some serious and well articulated public Hate Mail:



I have come to realize that the Hate Mail is more like those love letters that your secret admirer, the straight-A book worm, would send you in grade school. Every night she would stay up drafting letter after letter until satisfied that this one would make you love her forever and marry her. Every 2 or 3 days an envelope or neatly folded letter would then fall out of your locker in the morning.





The problem for your secret admirer is that you are totally infatuated with that girl you know will never be interested in you (and that's half the reason you want her so bad.)

'How could he like her?' Thinks your admirer, 'She is so dumb.'



You convince yourself that the secret love letters are in fact sent from the head cheerleader you drool over, even though you know perfectly well she couldn't write to save her life. All the while, your secret admirer works up the nerve every day to say, "hi." You reply, "hey Stacey, gotta go!" And she thinks, 'My name is Sarah you ape.'

So, to all my nerdy-girl, love-letter writing secret admirers, I have finally decided to remember your names... but I still want to hook up with the head cheerleader.

Without further ado, here are some of my favorite love letters (links below) . If you have any of your own, please post the link(s) in the comments 🙂


Take care,
WD


My Love Letters:

"Dear William Duncan, I love you. I love you so much I wrote a small novel about it." *

Excerpt : " Failure to vote this up will be considered treason of the highest level and William Duncan will personally roundhouse kick you in the face. You shall then be executed on the spot. Thank you for your cooperation."

- by the poetic license lover, Octavian_F

"Dear William Duncan, I want you so bad."

Excerpt : " William Duncan in no way represents the feelings of the Canadian people, and absolutely does not represent the position of Augustus Baldwin (which is why he is William Duncan and not Augustus Baldwin). "

- by the "no-BS or sugar coating, I just love you and will straight up say so," Augustus Baldwin


* In honor of this latest love letter, I have renamed my Newspaper "The Roundhouse Kick." Thank you Octavian_F for the idea, but no, sorry I cannot take you to Prom.