Gloucester Glues Gum Up Games

Day 604, 07:39 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Daniel Krane

A massive spill at the Z-Tech Industries plant in Gloucester caused the cancellation of two soccer tournaments being played on the public fields next door. A large container of concentrated adhesive ripped free from its transport and rolled out into the field, where it cracked.

The company estimated that over sixty thousand gallons of Super Cid's Sticky Stuff 3000 was spilled all over the players and fans. Over a hundred people are still stuck to the field. One player was quoted as saying, "Please, just get me out of this. I have to visit the loo."

Officials at Z-Tech are still unsure as to how the container broke free. A representative of the firm gave a statement to our paper just moments ago. "We are diligently inspecting the holding mechanisms for the adhesives to understand what caused the break. This spill has nothing to do with the bets we placed on the soccer tournaments down at Vinnie's, really."

Incidentantly, the bookies at Vinnie's had indeed taken a 427 to 1 bet on a triple forfeiture of the Gloucester tournaments from several different people.