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There has been an increasing amount of talk all throughout eAustralia and certain parts in the eWorld about the recent liberation of eWestern Australia. All of this talk has to do about the political side of things. I won’t go into details since there are countless articles floating around, but has anyone taken the time to view the situation from the military side of things?

We at The Word Down Under had some of our best reporters stationed in eWA recently return to our HQ in Melbourne. With them they have brought photos of weapons developed in secret high-tech, government military laboratories. Along with these photos our journalists spoke with our troops to get a better understanding of how these things were used.

I was extremely surprised to both see and hear about what our government had been brewing for many months. They certainly did fool eIndonesia as well as eAustralia as to what their true intentions were. We all were thinking that eAustralia had tucked its tail between its legs and cowered away like a dog that just defiled its owner’s carpet with a pile of poo.

Well, it turns out we are no cowering dog, but a vicious beast baring a deadly bite!

I am proud to reveal the weapons that helped us win back eWA. They were used by our eAustralian troops along with the troops of EDEN and the Brolliance to drive eIndo out of eWA. Hopefully, these weapons are ready to be used by our allies to defend their homelands with the recent surge of invasions by PEACE nations.

WARNING: The images that you are about to see might not be safe for young children – but that shouldn’t stop you from showing them anyway. I highly encourage you to show them what our country is capable of developing!


Kylie Minogue Robots.
She’s been voted in as one of the most sexist Australians of all time so it’s no wonder why the eAustralian military used Kylie Minogue as the model for their deadly, and sexy, cyborgs. The machine guns on their shoulders aren’t the only weapons these beauty-bots possess. They can open their chests to fire off many miniature rockets and their arms can transform into a flamethrower! They also went as far as having the Australian Pop Princess herself record many seductive songs for the robots to play, ensuring that the enemy soldiers would not fight back.


Suicide Kangaroos.
Yes it may seem a little extreme to load up a vast amount of explosives within the pouches of this much loved Australian icon, but it was all for a worthy cause. It was reported that hundreds of Kangaroos were trained to bounce towards vital enemy targets and detonate their bombs upon arrival. It is inspiring to know that even our native creatures took part in the fight to liberate eWA! Well done boys, you’ve done Skipper proud!


Nicole Kidman.
That’s right, for years the government had invested money into this Hollywood actress and in the end, it appears to have paid off. This could possibly be the vilest thing for a country to use in a war since Agent Orange. Not even young children were safe. Nicole Kidman’s pasty white skin, ginger hair, annoying voice and terrible acting combined to make a fear so powerful that even Death himself attempted suicide. Nicole’s horribleness made legions of eIndos cower in absolute terror – some even going as far as surrendering! Cheers Nicole, now bugger off back to Hollywood so we may never see you again.


Hugh Jackman aka “Tasmanian Devil”.
Hugh Jackman wanted eWA liberate from eIndo and returned to eAustralia. Hugh Jackman loved his role as Wolverine as well. It was no surprise that when the eAustralian military scientists made an offer to turn Hugh Jackman into a real life Wolverine to help us free eIndo, Mr. Jackman said yes immediately. Known as “Tasmanian Devil” (to avoid a lawsuit from Marvel) Hugh was said to have been a wild animal as he tore apart enemy after enemy. We’re glad that his on our side and hungry for another eWar!


MECHA-KOALA 2000.
Please note that it is spelt deliberately in caps to add to this Goliath’s intimidation factor even more (and the adding of 2000 to make it sound more awesome). At first I didn’t believe it. I even said “Ok, who’s the guy that did the really bad photoshop?” That was until I personally called PM Patti himself and he confirmed it for me. I was amazed as to what the minds of our military scientists are capable of producing.

Standing over fifty stories the MECHA-KOALA 2000 is virtually indestructible. Extensive testing was done to this mechanical giant including dumping it at the bottom of the ocean, bombarding it with over a dozen nukes and leaving it float around in space for over a month! Its defenses may sound impressive, but its weapon system overshadows it. Powerful lasers can be fired from its eyes that can literally destroy anything on this planet! It also has enough missiles built in that could wipe out anything in a twenty-five kilometer radius! Think that’s it? If the war had been lost the eAustralian forces planned on self-destructing MECHA-KOALA 2000, literally taking eWA off the map! Amazing, and scary!

There you have it eAustralia, this is what our government has been planning all this time. These are the weapons that were used to bring eWA back into our hands. But let us not forget the real weapons that won this battle – all of those brave soldiers from EDEN, the Brolliance and eAustralia.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for liberating eWA.

…and MECHA-KOALA 2000. Especially you.