Join the new world

Hello, America. It's been a while. I've missed you, babe. Oh me? I've been hanging out with my grandma. I haven't seen her in ages. I know, that IS cute. IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, I am running for congress this month. I'm running under the AMP flag in Vermont!

Well, why the fuch not? I'm awesome! Plus, I'm a congress virgin. That means I'll be trying harder than is probably necessary to impress the Statue of Liberty(I want her so hard.) Ever since I was a little nublet, I've wanted to become a congressperson. Up until today, I've been too lazy to actually commit to this. I want this. IF YOU HELP ME, I WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. For the better! Also, I heard Bia Pandora is into Congressman. (Jon Malcom told me, I'm so in!)

We have all our regions back! I promised myself I wouldn't do anything more than what I was currently doing until we were whole! (One drove us to Makeout Mountain and went from 1st base to 3rd. We cried afterwards.)


Insert a Serbian pick-up line having to do with Texas.

I am calling on all super awesome individuals (AKA all eAmericans) to rejoice. Because while I realize how awesome it is to be whole again, it really is so much more than that!

In the face of impending doom and when all hope seems to be lost, the will of the American people will not be broken. I believe in freedom and we've proven (more than once) that regardless of whatever internal problems we are having, we can man the FUDGE UP and kick butt when it is needed!

This is an amazing country and we have some of the most brilliant people in it. And that is why I want to get into Congress. It's one thing to sit back and watch all of this bad***ery unfold before your very eyes, it's a completely different experience to actually be involved in the processes that lead up to it. I don't even know if I like being a politician, either. This first run would determine that to be honest.

If it's not my cup of tea, so be it. I'm totally fine with dropping damage and being involved in the SFP! BTW, I realize I'm a tad late on this. I don't make a lot of articles soooo..back off!

And if training with Batman was not enough to convince you of how right I am for this job, I think you should see this image in lieu of boobs. Good night, America and make the right vote! I'm running in Vermont, see you there!


Good enough for Snake, good enough for Amurrica.
SHOUTS OUT TO DAMIEN WOLF FOR THE PICTURE, HE'S AWESOME!

P.S. Vote for me or I'll wake up in the morning and be proud to have even run! (by 'or' I meant 'and')