Does Anyone Else Care About Our PP Elections? No? Just Me? Alright.

Day 1,818, 12:39 • Published in USA USA • by Aeroner

Hello, America.

Or at least, hello to all your intelligent, socialite Americans who have made the wise decision to read my newspaper. Like Nutella, only good things can come from it.

So, now that you're here, let's get started. What's this meeting about?

What's that you say? I called you here? Well, I don't have anything prepared. This is so embarrassing...

Just kidding, I have this entire pleasing presentation for you. It's been created to provide optimum eye-pleasure for your voluptuous irises.

All that about not knowing what I was doing here, well, it was nothing but a ruse. I'm sorry to have done that to you, loyal reader. But that'll show you to keep on your toes. I'm teaching valuable life lessons here. Be sure to listen up.

This article is solely about my run for Party President of the Technocrats. If you don't know of the Technocratic Party, here's the lowdown;

It's a party made up of awesome, awesome people. Really a conflagration of cordiality and fantastic personality. Being a member of the Technocrat party has many advantages, but of course, if you're a member, you already knew that.

If you're not a member, why are you still here? I should've lost you back at the part about the irises. No matter, if you've read this far, you're obviously dedicated, so peruse on, dear reader.

Now, I'm running for Party President because I'd like to enhance the party, to facilitate it's progression from obscure third-party to behemoth of influence.

Just kidding, I'm doing it for the power and all the sweet, juicy perks.

I'm going to be honest America, I like the power. I drink it like a bee drinks nectar, its wholly sweet excrement the only by-product of the reaction between it's purely-formed magnetism and my own personal reservoirs of awesomesuace.

Let's just say for a minute that I'm not doing it for the power, or for the party hooker, or for the pleasure of hearing 'round the water cooler, "Hey, have you heard of that new hotshot president? He's quite a cool cat."

Let's say I'm actually doing it because I care. With that ridiculous assumption in mind, would you rather have anyone else?

But of course, that's all hypothetical. I'm doing it for the dirty,filthy power. I plan on abusing every last drop of it.

It will be apocalyptic.

Please join me, and vote. Together, we can make this a better party for me and for me alone.