Now, let's continue from where we left off. I was about to speak with AgentChieftain, head of the Stardust Cruisers and president of Pakistan.
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"I'm curious," I said, "What is that thing everyone does with their hands?
"It's called a bro-fist. Some 17 year old kid posted it a while back, and since then it's become a symbol of unity, mostly among Pakistanis and some Italians."
"All right then. So I'm curious, why does Dio do things like he does? What are his motivations?"
"Pakistan is his motivation. Dio Brando is Pakistan, and Pakistan is Dio Brando. There really isn't anything else to this."
"Okay. So maybe you could tell me why he attacked all those other countries?"
"Oh." AgentChieftain said. "This is a long story. Better get comfy in your chair for this one.
Since our place of origin was a forum, the first thing we did when we joined was post propaganda and praise of Dio on the forums. This upset lots of the original players. Siddy, who recently returned to preside over Argentina, was the one who broke the story that we were from 4chan. Edukator and Etweor in particular hated us, and are the reasons for our great dislike of Spain and Sweden (Respectively) that still lasts to this day."
"So that's why there he hates Sweden and Spain so much?"
"Yes.In February, we had quite cold war with Koroush, who was then President of Iran. After an Iranian by the name of Yahya shams posted hilarious articles about Koroush wearing a three piece bikini and hacking his computer, we began posting propaganda in the forums in the same manner, which built up tension between us. This ended with Dio tricking Koroush into promising never to attack Pakistan via a treaty. To this day, Koroush hates Dio and the Pakistani for making a fool out of him."
"How did he trick him?"
"I'm not really sure. I'd check with Dio or Koroush, if either of them respond. Dio doesn't answer calls much, and Koroush might think you're with us and won't answer. Anyway, in April, the war module was first implemented, and we were among the first and most enthusiastic to test it. We declared war on India. It was a real invasion at first, but I wrote an article (http://www.erepublik.com/en/forum/topic/22381/IN-INDIA-PEACE-IS-FINALLY-AT-HAND/1) falsely stating that the war was a merger and that the president agreed to it. Strangely enough, Illuminati, the real President of India, "confirmed" the article and told his army to retreat."
"I must say, this is really quite interesting. From the sound of it so far, Pakistan at least partially attained it's position by cunning as well as war."
"Well, I take that as a complement. In May, Ivan Hat decided that he wanted to leave Pakistan for China. Gyro_Zeppeli, as well as around 30 other Pakistani, followed him and later took over China, and then declared war on Pakistan. Of course, we won, although we weren't actually fighting another army. And that's about it for war."
"Thanks. But I guess the big question is, 'Why did he create Dioism and the Stardust Cruisers?"
"The Stardust Crusaders are our party, which he created for us to play the game. He showed up on /v/ one day inviting us all to create our own country, and so we did. This was on November 29, 2007."
"Coming from the stars, you could say."
"Yes, although I wouldn't. Since then, Dio Brando has served seven terms as president of the country, and the party has almost completely dominated every election since. Dio is currently leading the Theocrats in Switzerland in an effort to troll the hell out of Billy Bob Joe. One day in what I believe was February, Altnabla, without any warning wrote the first three chapters of The Book of Dio and posted them on the forums. The Admins didn't know how to react, and William Walker started writing more chapters. They eventually decided to delete The Book, but we kept reposting it. They then decided to put it on their new Wiki instead. In the process of debating how to keep it there, we created Dioism as the religion of Pakistan."
"And what about that hideous face that is your logo?"
"That would be /v/. More accurately, the face represents /v/ as a collective.
"And how did you hold it together when he died?"
"Dio never died. The remainder of us gifted him and donated food to him on a daily basis to keep him alive."
"There's something really, well, nice, about that."
"The fact that tuput is trying to take over france today is surreal (Tuput is the president of the far-right, authoritarian Parti de Sans-Cullotes, the party of missing Culots.) They're trying to pull a coup in a populated country, it just can't be the thought of something that thinks." He leans back into his chair pats a leatherboud book on the table. "But anyways, you can note that the division between Pakistan and Sweden/Spain is what both alliances are existentially founded on."
I quickly took notes in my small pad, looking up every so often and nodding.
"So who are his enemies, other than every PIG DISGUTING capitalist?" I asked.
"Well, I would probably say Koroush, Carradine, and Billy Bob Joe. Koroush got a permanent ban, but he cam back as Aryamehr; the wigs lifted the ban. I don't know how the hell it works, but i'm almost positive that the wigs cut deals with anyone who exploits a weakness in the game.
I've seen an email sent to a suspected "hacker" that offered them amnesty; this isnt something you should dwell on, though. But it should be fun to ask Koroush about. The reason he was so angry with us was that Dio never signed it; this is what pissed him off. He was legally bound never to attack us, but we still had the ability to attack."
"Who are the wigs?" I asked.
"The erepublik staff members who control the admin account."
"The nickname comes from Alexis Bonte's flicker."
"One time, during server maintenance, I decided to check their blog. On some of the older pages, i found a link to his flicker. After some erep photos, there were pics of a party with what i'm assuming were his friends, all wearing wigs and dancing."
I almost fell out of my seat laugining. I'd heard people refer to "the wigs", but I had no idea what they were talking about.
"Also, George Lemnaru was in the pictures."
"Who?" I asked.
"A Wig, basically. The other erep founder; we thought it was the whole team."
"I put the link in alexis bonte's erep wiki biography"
"I'll need to look."
"It's at http://www.flickr.com/photos/egrenouille/, and it's going to be all the way in the back."
"I'll look at it later."
"Well, this was march. And i showed #/v/akistan, and hell broke loose. We posted like 50 articles about the pictures and "interviews" with Alexis about them, all of which were deleted. We still kept using the term, though, and they never did anything about it. Lots of the older members still call them wigs. And that's about it. I 'm afraid that you'll have to ask other people for the rest. If you like, I can try and arrange an interview with Dio for you."
"Sure." I say.
He dials on the phone, and talked briefly. "Right, he's agreed to do it. But only in person. He's in Switzerland right now, celebrating his presidential win, so you might want to wait a few days."
"Okay, thanks for everything." I say.
"You're welcome. I'll give you a call if I think of anything new."
"That would be great," I say, and walk out of his office. "Wait, he says. "Take this, it's the book of Dio," and hands me a hefty leather bound book, similar to the one on his desk.
"Thanks." I say, and leave. I am escorted back to the car, and GlaDOS rides back with me.
"You find out everything you need know?" he asks.
"I found out a lot."
"Where are you going next?" he asks.
"I don't know. Either to Sweden, Iran, or Switzerland."
"Well, good luck," he says. "And take off that pink blazer when you get in the plain, you're going to blind the pilot."
I get out of the car and say my good byes, and enter the plan. As we taxi out, I make a bro fist and wave good bye.
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IF YOU DONT POST THIS TO 5 BROS THEN YOU ARENT A BRO
Thanks for reading!