Day 2384 | May 31, 2014
Day 2,384, 09:41
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Normand X
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SEATTLE, Washington - United Friends of Taxpayers organized a rally today in downtown Seattle at approxamately 9:23 AM. The UFT announced a large rally of the population of 5 thousand citizens, as the five thousand marched downtown clogging traffic and causing migranes for local police. The UFT rallied in support of a federal statement supporting a 5 percent work tax on all goods, stating that "...a prosperous nation depends on the supply of money by the individual to spend on what he or she wants...we must lower the work tax." As the rally continued on for hours with guest speakers such as members of the Black Sheep Party and the Federalist Party, membership in the rally began to dwindle. Midway through speech by Party President Jackson Locke, a clear pro-tax policeman removed the wiring from the speakers, making Locke inaudible. Confusion erupted as local bodyguards hauled Locke off stage, and local technicians worked furiously to return sound. Overall, the rally went for over 12 hours continously and raised around 46 thousand US dollars for their lower taxes cause.
DULUTH, Minnesota - Disaster strikes the heart of Duluth as a well known financial exchange for hard materials and online currency, E-Trade went under today. Today CEO Markus Flesserson resigned and announced the missing sum of approx. 500 million US Dollars of online currency, which has apparently been missing from the "Wallet" for several monthes now. The entire website, estimated at a worth of 3.4 billion US Dollars, has gone down. Several thousands of people's entire savings have dissapeared as the website collapsed. The truth is, the company has been facing some serious financial issues as since their IPO in 2009, their company started to collapse. The unstability of their business model was credited to the rapid change of the Board of Directors. The price per share tumbled from around 400 US dollars at it's IPO, to around 53 US dollars. It was a matter of time for E-Trade to collapse, as the online community had begun to speculate. Since the site collapse, a online petition has gained 50 thousand signatures to bring Flesserson to court.
GRAND RAPIDS, Michigan - The band Black Cradle is in celebration as their recent hit song Schlong Bong hit over 450 million copies sold worldwide, smashing the world record of 12 million. The band's success is associated mostly due to the incredible advertising forces of L.P. Roth, one of the most famous advertising organizations in the history of the world. Furthermore, the single song is expected to make the band around 9 billion US Dollars, making the 6 members of the band instant billionares.
WHITE PLAINS, New York - Comedian and political pundit Christopher Abrahmoff confirmed speculation today and announced his candidacy for the U.S. Congress. The move is seen as especially surprising given the fact that he confirmed that speculation was incorrect several monthes ago. Gallup Polling puts him immediately in the lead under the Federalist Party against his focal opponents in the Military Party leading 56-23. Abrahmoff rose to political and comedeic fame after his appearence as a junior reporter on The Daily Show, and his use of satire against the war in Canada, and higher taxation.
KANSAS CITY, Missouri - Kansas City rejoices today after announcements by Power Today that a large majority of the city has power. Power Today started the project of creating power to a majority of citizens after a PR disaster of one of their nuclear plants failing. Power was restored to the majority of the city from the upper east side, to the downtown area. Around 670 thousand citizens have power restored, as 450 thousand citizens still do not have power.
Paid Advertisement - Want your ad here for the next daily issue? Send Normand X 150 USD, and message him what you want the ad to say.
That's Day 2385 | May 31, 2014
😃ay 2384 | May 31, 2014=====
SEATTLE, Washington - United Friends of Taxpayers organized a rally today in downtown Seattle at approxamately 9:23 AM. The UFT announced a large rally of the population of 5 thousand citizens, as the five thousand marched downtown clogging traffic and causing migranes for local police. The UFT rallied in support of a federal statement supporting a 5 percent work tax on all goods, stating that "...a prosperous nation depends on the supply of money by the individual to spend on what he or she wants...we must lower the work tax." As the rally continued on for hours with guest speakers such as members of the Black Sheep Party and the Federalist Party, membership in the rally began to dwindle. Midway through speech by Party President Jackson Locke, a clear pro-tax policeman removed the wiring from the speakers, making Locke inaudible. Confusion erupted as local bodyguards hauled Locke off stage, and local technicians worked furiously to return sound. Overall, the rally went for over 12 hours continously and raised around 46 thousand US dollars for their lower taxes cause.
DULUTH, Minnesota - Disaster strikes the heart of Duluth as a well known financial exchange for hard materials and online currency, E-Trade went under today. Today CEO Markus Flesserson resigned and announced the missing sum of approx. 500 million US Dollars of online currency, which has apparently been missing from the "Wallet" for several monthes now. The entire website, estimated at a worth of 3.4 billion US Dollars, has gone down. Several thousands of people's entire savings have dissapeared as the website collapsed. The truth is, the company has been facing some serious financial issues as since their IPO in 2009, their company started to collapse. The unstability of their business model was credited to the rapid change of the Board of Directors. The price per share tumbled from around 400 US dollars at it's IPO, to around 53 US dollars. It was a matter of time for E-Trade to collapse, as the online community had begun to speculate. Since the site collapse, a online petition has gained 50 thousand signatures to bring Flesserson to court.
GRAND RAPIDS, Michigan - The band Black Cradle is in celebration as their recent hit song Schlong Bong hit over 450 million copies sold worldwide, smashing the world record of 12 million. The band's success is associated mostly due to the incredible advertising forces of L.P. Roth, one of the most famous advertising organizations in the history of the world. Furthermore, the single song is expected to make the band around 9 billion US Dollars, making the 6 members of the band instant billionares.
WHITE PLAINS, New York - Comedian and political pundit Christopher Abrahmoff confirmed speculation today and announced his candidacy for the U.S. Congress. The move is seen as especially surprising given the fact that he confirmed that speculation was incorrect several monthes ago. Gallup Polling puts him immediately in the lead under the Federalist Party against his focal opponents in the Military Party leading 56-23. Abrahmoff rose to political and comedeic fame after his appearence as a junior reporter on The Daily Show, and his use of satire against the war in Canada, and higher taxation.
KANSAS CITY, Missouri - Kansas City rejoices today after announcements by Power Today that a large majority of the city has power. Power Today started the project of creating power to a majority of citizens after a PR disaster of one of their nuclear plants failing. Power was restored to the majority of the city from the upper east side, to the downtown area. Around 670 thousand citizens have power restored, as 450 thousand citizens still do not have power.
Paid Advertisement - Want your ad here for the next daily issue? Send Normand X 150 USD, and message him what you want the ad to say.
That's Day 2385 | May 31, 2014
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