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Greetings and Salutations from the Office of the eUSA Chief of Staff!

We hope you will enjoy the enclosed briefing from the Cabinet, provided to us all by the President's Press Secretary,





Well hello there. Welcome to today's Press Briefing.

Today, Chief of Staff Jaden A. gave a brief, but informative, speech to the cabinet at large. "Thank you all for getting ready to hit the ground running yesterday!" she addressed the crowd of wounded, partially crippled government officials and aides. Many sat in wheelchairs, legs pointing in awkward angles, the memory of having been pushed out of a jet still haunting their idle, attentive gazes as they cowered during the speech. "Melissa officially is our democratically-elected dictator," she announced, prompting a wave of mandatory clapping to be given by all present at the lighting up of an applause sign. "So," carefully pronouncing each of her next words with predatory hunger, "we can start the fun, now."

An even greater silence gathered over the surviving cabinet members, and could swear the gulps of worry were audible. As two men holding a black, leather chest entered, all eyes turned to them. Setting it down before the now gleaming Chief of Staff, she slowly withdrew a key upon a chain that she had hidden in her blouse. "That means," said Jaden, carefully withdrawing the chest's now unlocked contents, "that I get to do my job of cracking the whip."

Moving with pointed intent, she strode with quick, cat-like grace towards the hobbit who was rapidly taking notes in the back corner. There was no time to react; there was no time to run. The gasps escaped along with the whip's sharp snap, as the Press Secretary was struck from his chair.

She did not relent. Striking over, and over, and over, the rending sounds of the bloody and tearing barrage intermingled with the squeals and screams of the halfling writer. No one moved to his aid; there was a recoiling at the sight of it. The wailing chorus of sudden pain subsided, as Jaden - manic grin affixed to her face with crimson stains surrounding - continued to draw the whip back and forth in an almost mechanical motion. And then the halfling was silent, and then he was unmoving. And when she finally stopped, and when it had ceased much latter than anyone had felt it could go on for, she knelt down to his ear, and, with friendly and endearing tone, whispered to his now pulpy form.

"Feel free to interpret that however you please in your article tonight, Aramec." And then, just as quickly as it had started, she left the room, whip still in hand.


Today, the cabinet discusse😛

• Delyruin and Yui got a room together.
• I mean finally, right? This will-they-won't-they crap was getting on my nerves.
• illiguy said something technical about stuff nobody gives a s*** about.
• Seriously, when's the last time you cared about the Department of Citizen Affairs?
• For me, it was last October.
• Exciting news in Pacifica!
• But you don't get to know it yet because F*** you.
• If Mel had wanted you in the PDB, you'd know.
• But you don't.
• So sucks to your a-mar, Piggy.
• The aquilam of Ferre is missing.
• Inwegen is still in the PDB.
• If you think you're as cool as him or cooler then you're obviously wrong.
• We're from the same state.
• Along with Melissa.
• Bet you can't guess where it is.
• There is a new code for feet.
• Or something.
• I dunno, but I clipped my toenails just in case, so I guess we'll see.
• F****** Japan.
• F****** Japan.
• I miss Candor.
• So does Delyruin, even those he's f****** Yui now.
• Israel Stevens said Melissa Rose was a baaaad girl for not drunk Presidenting.
• I am drunk.
• Also my applauds are 420, so Tenshibo would be proud.
• Shout out to Tenshibae.


Today's random question of the day, courtesy of Joey3790: What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

Answer: I'd beat a homeless man named Rich to death with his own tin can filled grocery cart.

Please submit your question of the day in the comments for a chance for me to answer it tomorrow.


Today's weather is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SfuC4g1b_zA


Thank you all for your continued support of the Administration. Please feel free to reach out to us if we can be of service to you.



Jaden A.
Chief of Staff



Dinnyin
Deputy Chief of Staff