Congress Is Full of It, Bikinis

Day 682, 05:24 • Published in USA USA • by Joey Jackson

Let's be truthful for a moment, epoliticians are really masters of bullship. Game-mechanics players and game-vets have choked off most of the fun in this game and are continuing to ruin it by convincing the rest of the citizens they don't know how to play the game . If I was running the show, things would be different. First, I would get rid of all the unnecessary forum clutter and disallow pointless debating over stupid law proposals that could have been handled by one person, me. The only thing allowed to discuss in the forums are college football, professional football, and roller-ball. Any other sport that takes a man to play (i.e. hockey, lava-swimming, and hot dog eating) will have a separate place from American football within the forums.

No more b.s.'ing the nation, congressmen will be appointed by me on coolness factor alone. Voting will take place at my house and only those who are able to join, in person or via teleconference, will their vote be recognized. The quorum will be one, me, since I will be the one calling each meeting of congress to order at times convenient for myself.

Votes will be handled like this: I will ask a question such as, "who thinks Ajay Bruno can't spell politics, let alone take part in politics, let alone call himself a pundit, which is a blatant lie and should be punishable by flogging?" All will raise their hands and that will conclude one order of business.

Any arguments will be dealt with like a common troll; you will be taken out back and beaten with a hose. Then you will be expelled and/or ignored from/by congress/me and forced to change your avatar to Corky from Life Goes On. Non compliance will result in you just being a d-bag in the eyes of your fellow eMericans or possible deportation to the slums of Rio de Janeiro, eBrazil.

No lovers of Coldplay will be allowed in congress. Frankly because I do not want you making any decisions for the country when you do not even know what is good for you.

There will be absolutely no seriousness. Only satire and humorous banter is approved in the walls of congress/my home.

After each congressional meeting is adjourned, all members will tell me how awesome I am and that I have impeccable man-boobies. Followed by a drunken orgy, like how our forefathers did it.

Oh yeah, the bikinis


Ay! Mami!


Trifecta!