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From inside his patchwork tent beneath the overpass in downtown LA, Alex Lorre, Party President of the Weird Homeless Party, typed up his campaign speech on his Jimmy rigged type writer for the April 2010 e-U.S.A. congressional elections. What follows are the legible exerpts from said speech found by the police who tried to evict him before he quickly fled, tent under his arm, and was lost in pursuit, leaving only a few tin cans and this speech, drifting lazily on the breeze.

"My fellow eMericans, I am but a humble drifter. Yet long has I sat in my tent on the steps of that there capital building and dreamed of being able to walk on in, not a trespassing vagrant, but an electified official. I never did dream that such a spectacle was a'gonna come true but, lo and behold, one day I did stumble upon the very typewriter this here speech was writificated upon, and I knew, yes indeedy I knew, that this was a sign from Dio himself, in all his Brandosious glory, that I was indeed destined to become a genuine congressman."

"But his Brandoness didn't just give me that there typewriter, no sirree he didn't stop there. He gave unto me this wisdom begifted brain and a mess of good ideas to boot. And I'm about to share them with you all, just as his metaphysicalness did with me."

"I've come across many an abandoned town in my wanderings. Whole states to be told, save for a sparse village of the living few and far between. And in these barren places, the bodies of those come but went back again can be found, at least what's left. This got me a wondering, why has such tragedy befallen our lands? And then my mind did itself some thinking, and before you know it I had myself my answer. I noticed that those towns didn't have no jobs for people without any good skills. You know, like nunchuku skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills... Companies only want workers who have great skills. That's why I thought it'd be a great idea to MAKE jobs for those with no real skills to claim. Why, the governments got such high income taxes I'd say it could finance a few such companies just fine don't you think so? *Pause for cheering and applause* "

"Now I'm a man who knows his fair share about the importance of a good friend by your side. But for a while there we had some rather unfriendly folks by our side. Now of course I'm referring to our olden days in EDEN. Luckily that's over with and now we got ourselves a right dandy Brolliance with real friends by our sides. Knowing as I do the importance of a good pal, I fully support the Brolliance and hope to see it get to be a right swell club of all the best sorts of friends."

"Now as I may have mentioned a bit backways in this speech, taxes are mighty high on folks these days, and, hell, they've been that way for a while. Unfortunately I've seen the kinda talks they have about such things in yon capital building, and despite getting quickly tossed out I saw enough to know that going about changing taxes is no easy matter. Now if I do get such a chance to have my way with taxes, well then by golly I will, but as that is unlikely to happen, I feel I am dutifully required to impartificatify to you that this will be an area I won't be promising any action on. I may be a right bum but I know when to bluff and when to fold and trying to change taxes is, for now, where it's smart to fold."

"Now I know there are quite a few zillion more issues that I might rightly take a stand on but, as it stands, my typewriter was about to run clean dry so I had to wrap this up. But in my closing rhetoricular statement, I just wanted to say this: I will fight for all the disillusioned, the powerless, the hungry, the low wellness, to poor, the homeless, and any other downtrodden citizen of this mighty fine country, and I won't let you down! *Stand up straight and smile while you wait for the aplause to die down and then kindly wave and walk of the stage."