ChewChewShoe's congressional manifesto

Day 1,463, 10:15 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by ChewChewShoe



helo [insert country here], I am running for congress and this is why you should vote for me:

§1. I am black, therefore I believe that all you white people out there terrorized me, personally, for hundreds of years, and treated me like a money, therefore you owe me all this power.

§2. I will loan money from people that I never will be able to pay back and spend it on useless things. I believe that we will profit from this since we gain useless stuff and have absolutely no money.




§3. I hope you will elect me, because if you do I will end our current open war against the UK, because it's now obvious that they don't have weapons of mass-destruction, and instead invade Canada, Poland, Serbia, Russia, China, Hungary and Bahrain, because somebody told me they have nukes and threaten our [insert nationality here] way.

§4. I shall all throughout my term use fancy phrases like "Hope, change, yes we can" ect without knowing what they mean, because it seems people like them.

§5. I am black, this is a reason to vote for me.

§6. I will try to move all our troops to Norway, because they are our allies and we can have fun together without any violence. But I will still invade countries.





§7. After I have removed the last cents of money we may have in our country I will begin to raise taxes on everything, since we need money!!1!11! This will also increase prices on the market a ton, but you'll just have to cough that up, after all, I am giving you free useless stuff.

§8. I will try to ruin all our foreign relations as much as possible, and instead try to find new friends in hostile territory. I believe this is good because cookies.

§9. I am black, so you all owe me stuff.

§..12? After I have made all these financial changes in [insert country here] I will begin to force other countries into doing the same this.

§34. When all countries in the world are broke I will borrow money from Mars to give to the countries on earth. This makes me a nice person.

§{. I promise I will make a good [insert office here].





That was all from me today kids, and remember, vote for me because I'm black! You're all terrible white demons if you don't!